When did birthdays stop feeling special?
I don’t usually post things like this, but today feels a little strange.
For the past 8 years, I’ve been celebrating my birthdays alone.
It didn’t start off easy. The first few years were honestly the hardest. I remember waiting, overthinking the day, sitting with this expectation that something would feel different… that the day would feel special. But when it didn’t, it just turned into long, quiet moments sometimes spent in random corners of my dom room, hostel, or even a washroom, just letting it out.
It was never really about big plans or gifts. Just the idea that the day should feel different.
That phase lasted a while. Then things changed not suddenly, but slowly. The sadness became quieter. I stopped expecting much. And somewhere along the way, I got used to spending that day by myself, just like that trying to treat it like a normal day but honestly i could never do that.
After that, I tried to shift things. Took myself out, tried to make plans alone, tried to treat it like a “solo celebration.” Sometimes it felt decent, 90% of the time it felt forced. It never quite felt like what a birthday is supposed to feel like more like I was trying to create something that wouldn’t fully come together. forcefully trying to fill in some gaps types
And now this year feels different again. Not sad, not happy just neutral. No excitement, no plans, no expectations.... like numb i don't care i don't feel about it anymore. It’s just another day with a pinch of sadness.
And before anyone says it no, I’m not old or anything. I just turned 24.
Maybe this is just part of growing up.
Not expecting anything here just felt like putting it out somewhere.
P.S. Please don’t DM birthday wishes, it’s a small request :)