My brother was my best friend, now he treats me like im nothing. Idk what to do.
I don’t really know how to explain this properly but I feel completely lost when it comes to my relationship with my younger brother.
We used to be really close when we were kids. Then we went into foster care and got split up, and because of the different trauma and the distance we both went through, we drifted apart a lot. Years later, when we were both out of the care system we ended up getting close again and at one point I genuinely considered him my best friend. That’s why this hurts so much, because I know what he’s capable of being like. He was kind and caring and empathetic, he was so so funny, the funniest person I have ever met.
Recently though, it’s like something has just switched and I don’t recognise him anymore. Hes just not him anymore.
He constantly says hurtful things about me, puts me down, and acts like I’m a joke. He will randomly text me really hurtful insults for absolutely no reason, he’ll find any way to hurt me.
He does little things like he’ll ask me to hang out, I’ll go meet him, and within like 20 minutes he’ll suddenly decide he doesn’t want to be around me anymore. Instead of just saying he’s not in the mood (which I would genuinely understand), he says things like “I’d rather kms than be around you any longer” and then just walks off and leaves me there in the street.
He’s also really rude about my girlfriend, even though I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and I’m finally happy, my whole family reacted weirdly to my relationship too and there’s definitely jealousy there, theres a lot of possessive behaviour which has already been hard to deal with.
Something that really messed with me happened recently. I was meant to meet him in the city while I waited for my girlfriend, but he said it was too much hassle so he didn’t come. I ended up sitting on a bench alone and I was sexually assaulted by a stranger.
When I told him about it the next day, he barely reacted. I met up with him and he asked what happened, but while I was explaining it he went on his phone and started texting people and wasnt listening at all or he would interrupt me in the middle of my sentences and make really insensitive comments. When I finished, he said “well I’ve been through worse so I win the competition” and basically told me what happened to me wasn’t that important or valid.
Him doing this isnt even surprising, hes started closing his eyes and covering his ears like a child when I speak and when I ask why he’s doing it he’ll say “well i do that when i just don’t care about what people are saying”
I do call him out on his behaviour. I tell him directly that what he says hurts me and I don’t appreciate it, or in those moments when he tells me he’ll refuse to listen to people when he doesnt care, i tell him to have a bit of respect and compassion for other people. That he can’t expect to walk through life treating people like their voices don’t matter and he will tell me hes within his right to treat people however he likes. When I pull him up on things he always deflects or turns it into something else and nothing ever changes. It feels like it’s no longer a situation I can justify by saying, aw he just is confused and didn’t mean it. he genuinely just doesn’t care how much he’s hurting me.
I love him so much, he’s my little brother, and that’s what makes this so confusing. I keep trying to be patient and understanding because thats who I am. I’m a genuinely decent person and have been there for him this entire time and have never tried to retaliate or been unkind to him. but at this point it feels like no matter what I do or how I act, it’s never good enough and he just keeps finding new ways to hurt me.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I don’t want to lose him, but being around him is starting to feel genuinely awful. I leave in tears every single time I see him.
Has anyone dealt with something like this? Is there any way to fix this, or do I need to start distancing myself even if I don’t want to? What do I even do? It’s so draining.