I 26F have lost interest in having sex
I 26F have completely lost interest in sex.
I have talked to my therapist about this and she says I need to be calm and relaxed before me and my boyfriend (24M) have sexy time, she also encouraged that I incorporate toys to help me get more in the mood since I despise foreplay of all forms
TW TW TW:
I’ve been in therapy since I was 19 for CSA, PTSD, r***, SA, Depression, and Paranoia (typing all of that out just shows me why I have sex issues lol) I have been in therapy biweekly (recently changed to once a month bc I moved) since then and it has helped A LOT. I also am on Antidepressants (Lexapro) & Anti-Anxiety meds (Buspirone) << another reason for low libido lol
I have not been wanting to initiate or engage in sex with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I’ve noticed it, he’s noticed it. I am constantly thinking about the last time we had sex and if it’s been longer than 2 months I get anxious and depressed because I have this irrational fear that he is going to leave me because we don’t have sex that often. I also get anxious and depressed when I start telling myself ‘hey it’s time we initiate this with him’ I honest to god do not understand why. I was extremely hypersexual from 17-22, so much so my therapist was getting worried I was self harming through sex (why she had these worries is because I ONLY had sex when I was sad << is this important info ?) I do not have a healthy relationship with sex and i guess it still shows to this day.
My boyfriend is so patient, he is so loving, I love that man to death, I don’t ever want to lose him, he has helped me through my triggers, he shows me every day what unconditional love is, he supports me, he appreciates me, he is the love of my life, and I have us to get married and have kids. it frustrates me so much that I don’t want sex and have no drive for sex. I have cried to this man over my frustrations, I have cried in his arms most nights about how i want to have sex with him but my body doesn’t. He has asked me ‘Do you not find me attractive anymore?’ Then has said ‘it’s okay if you don’t. I just want you to be honest.’ I still find him attractive, I just have no sexual feelings.
We go months without having sex. When we do have sex, I’m not aroused, I can’t get aroused, why can’t I get aroused ? I am constantly in my head questioning, do I like this ? I will tell him if I don’t like something, and he listens. He’s the type of man to make me feel loved.
And then I started thinking ‘do I not find him attractive anymore?’ ‘Did I grow out of love?’ ‘Am I too stressed because I have so many assignments I need to get done?’
I’m stumped. I’m literally so stumped.
I honestly think it’s me. I have no desire to have sex, I have no want to masturbate. I don’t watch porn, I don’t like foreplay, I don’t like reading smut or erotica (I am trying to read books that have some erotic bits and pieces to see if maybe that’ll help. But then I when there’s a smut scene, I start feeling disgusting with myself and stop reading it).
I have a therapist, but does anyone think I need to see a specific Sex Therapist ?