I destroyed everything!
Hi all,
I'm completely new here and this is my very first post. But I've read a lot of your posts on this topic today, and thought it might help me to share my story as well.
My girlfriend and me broke up after nearly 4 years about three weeks ago. I did a lot of thinking over the last three weeks.
When we met, it was like a fairytale, and I was feeling very good back then. I had a new girlfriend, I went to the gym regularly, I was working voluntarily as an EMT, I was seeing my friends regularly and had a job that was quite okay. I was in heaven. This lasted about half a year.
Then the situation in my company got worse. We didn't get the contracts with important customers and so many of the most experienced colleagues left. There was barely someone left who knew what to do. The entire department was in a state of a slow death. Work just turned into a frustrating hell. While in the past, after work, I went to the gym or my language courses, I stopped to do that because I was too exhausted. My mood got worse and worse and I felt stressed more and more. I lost interest in all the things I liked before.
I became increasingly aggressive, and we argued over the smallest things. I usually started the arguments. I increasingly brought my stress into our relationship. We only saw each other once a week on weekends. During the week, we conducted our relationship via WhatsApp. And it's so much easier to say hurtful things to someone on WhatsApp than to say them to the person you love.
I endured this situation at work for three years, even though I cried almost every Sunday evening because I didn't want to go back. She had obviously noticed that I wasn't doing well and asked me to seek help. I didn't listen to her.
I no longer work for the company and am now studying again. But since it's a distance learning program where I don't see other people, I ended up even more isolated. I listened to lectures online, attended online seminars, and hardly ever went out.
But it wasn't all bad. Until recently, about three-quarters of our time together was filled with love and affection. But about once a month, the pent-up stress became too much and had to be released somehow. Then, using some pretext, I would start an argument and, paradoxically, feel better for a few days. But that took a lot out of her and destroyed our relationship.
She still loves me very much; it's the most important and intense relationship of her life, but she simply doesn't have the strength anymore. I understand that and I'm not angry with her.
I understand that she had to leave, and I'm even grateful to her. Because it was only through the breakup that I found the strength to finally change something. I've now been to a psychologist and received the diagnosis I already knew deep down: moderate to severe depression.
I'm starting therapy now and will be taking medication. I wish I had listened to her sooner. I also wrote her about this in a letter, and she was incredibly and sincerely happy about it and wishes me all the best from the bottom of her heart. Especially that Padmé's death wasn't in vain this time. Anakin could no longer save her, but at least he could save himself by realizing that the Dark Path was taking everything he loved.