Hi, I’ve resettled in my second country (moved here at 13, left at 22 to go back to home culture, came back later after experiencing reverse culture shock) and am grappling with where home is. Recently my lovely boyfriend from this culture invited me to move in with him and I’ve realised part of my reticence is that I’m afraid to be swallowed up whole by one culture.. choose one part of me over the rest. So I’ve written a poem, maybe it’ll resonate with some of you TCKs - to my fellow internationals with many homes!
Choosing one…
One culture, one friend group, one city - one partner -
The feeling that if I choose one, I lose the other parts of me.
That the only way to stay intact is to be alone
One means I’m folding-tunnelling-putting on the blinkers
One means I’m a fragment
I need the One I choose to look me in the eyes and say -
You, all of you - I see you as a whole.
One who looks at the collage that is me and sees stained glass, not a broken screen
One who says you’re this, and this, and this - you don’t need to choose
One who says, you’ll always be this and this and this to me.
Choosing one shouldn’t have to be a sacrifice
I can be a unique collage of stained glass
And some people when they hold you, they hold you together.