Anyone have specific days where it's even harder than usual
Have noticed I have one of these days every few months where I feel completely shot down. Absolutely zero drive and energy to live which usually isn't there that much anyways but it still somewhat exists due to my sports teams and looking forward to them playing.
On these days tho even that's not there and there's a lingering thought that what am I even waking up for ?
My parents life would be much better off without me. I have no friends I can share this with. No significant other. No career or money. No social life. Have my sports teams as cope but even that feels futile.
And I can't even pinpoint what specifically has me so down on this day. Was listening to "I want it that way" By Backstreet boys while going to work Which isn't even a sad song per se or is it? Because I felt so low during the whole walk to the office. And idek what's the reason. Is it because I lost all my gambling winnings yesterday or is it because my life just flat out sucks or is it because I long for someone to love me and see me or is it because of no particular reason whatsoever.
Whatever it may be, the urge to just be done with it all gets very strong on these days. Even this job I'm doing I feel so zoned out because ik it's not gonna last long. It's like a ticking time bomb and I may get fired any minute, second, hour, day, week, month, etc
And the worst part is tomorrow I won't feel this way at all. It will be back to feeling nothing. Feeling empty. Dead. Numb. Just there physically not mentally.
Everything in my life is temporary except this reclusiveness of not belonging anywhere at all. I really wanted to live long enough to at least be able to watch my sports teams in person but I'm not sure it's gonna happen at this rate. The clock is ticking rapidly. Tick tick tick that's the sound of my time running out. Another 40+ years of this? Hell no