u/TexanLoneStar

My current blockers of 1 hour on - 1 hour off are no more than the equivalent of a cigarette and wont break the dopamine loop.

I keep blocking the entire internet except for site I actually need (email, budget, bank) but I wind up resetting my PC.

Work won't let me install stuff on my PC; and also I don't keep the same PC every day.

Any ideas? Can't really get rid of my PC, physically, for now -- but when I eventually get a new job I want to throw this mind-control device off a cliff.

I was doing an insanely slow taper. Started off 1 hour on, 1 hour off for my Cold Turkey Blocker. I begun to slow reduce, 1 minute less each week in my 2 hour period: 59 on and 1h1m off, 58 on and 1h2m off; and so on and so forth.

Felt manageable, and, interestingly and most excitingly, I actually begin to kind of enjoy the stuff I went to next after PC: walks, reading, talking to people on phone.

After several months I eventually tapered myself down to 45 minutes on, 1h15 minutes off -- my aim was to go as minor as possible...

...yet, I somehow crashed out and failed, and went back to mass surfing.... bro.... the weekend when I gave up the blocker since it fell off and binged it felt like shooting up a cocktail of normalcy, and it sucked.

External mitigation is cool, but what actually fuels the interior desire for this stuff? Blockers can only go so far.

In my early 20s, before I knew I had OCD, I was meticulously tracking supplement results, hoping to cure or treat my anxiety disorder.

In my mid 20s, when I was diagnosed OCD, this kind of shift to me hyper-focusing on "mastering" all spheres of life (diet, exercise, socialization, sunlight, work meaning, etc.) in order to curse myself of anxiety.

Later it turned into a hyper fixation in ascending through the heightened levels/grades of prayer in my religion.

Now it's turned into an obsession about the "order" or "sequence" about how to go abou training in virtue ethics, like whether one starts with self-control in food/drink, and this leads into self-mastery or serves as a logical or necessary precursor for the next virtue.

The worst about it all is.... actual progression in real life is a thing. Who can deny that legitimately improving diet or exercise or social life will improve depression and anxiety? Who can deny that some can legitimately become a more virtuous person through ascetical feats?

How does someone with OCD in I guess "Perfectionism" or "Ladder Up to No Suffering" actually in advance? Part of me wants to become an absolute hedonist with absolutely no structure, discipline, or self control. And I have done that in the past but of course when you stop exercising and stop eating healthy you feel like trash and your life spirals down the toilet. It saves you from OCD, but then when you try and fix things, obviously the OCD kicks back in gear.

Anyone with this sort of obsession about "optimal/best sequence to do things" OCD have any practical experience in this? Obviously I don't want to delve into a totally undisciplined life to save myself from OCD, but ummm yeah