Is it reasonable to end things with a potential romantic partner after knowing her family lore?
Problem/Goal: I am currently dating someone I met on a dating app. So far it has been going great and she is amazing! We've gone on 3 face to face dates already and I really like her a lot. But when we got to talk about our family background, it got me thinking hard and I am no longer sure if I want to continue seeing her.
Context: I learned that she came from a big family. But not from a loving or stable one. From what I can gather, there seems to be a history of violence between her siblings and father, and lots of alcoholism. And apparently, other family members outside the immediate family may even be connected to crime.
I come from a very loving and stable family. It is not perfect, but it is far from what the person I am dating has experienced. I have this philosophy in life that I marry the family of the person I am marrying. I envision a life where my partner and I can freely visit each other's family.
I also learned that she has a pattern of sending money to her siblings or mother even when she can't provide for herself (I've done my best to help out but we are not yet in an committed relationship so I can't and won't give my all). If I was her friend, I would see this trait as something that is very admirable and honorable. But as her potential romantic partner, I find this as a huge risk. This is because I am an entrepreneur. I plan and dream to establish lots of businesses in the future. But I am also an overthinker, what if our money suddenly vanishes?
My heart is telling me to understand her situation but my brain is telling me that she is not a logical choice. I know that not everyone is lucky enough to be born from a happy family. I know that there is nothing she can do to fix her history. This is why I feel so conflicted. I feel like I'm not empathetic. I feel like I'm selfish. I feel like I'm so insensitive. I feel like I'm not man enough to be a provider. For additional context, I am still in my building stage. I am working on a startup. I took this risk because I believe that this will be successful in time.
I have already asked some friends and they all told me that ending things between us is perfectly reasonable. But the caveat is I shouldn't tell her that the primary reason is her family background because this is something she can't change. But, I like and want to be transparent. I would feel really guilty if I don't tell her why I am ending things between us.
I just want to ask if what I'm feeling is reasonable. We are still talking and dating right now. It's just that my brain is telling me that I should move on.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.