I’ve basically ran from suffering since i can remember. I’ve been facing it lately. But i can’t take it much longer. It’s endless. I have a lot more to sit with. I keep feeling like ending my 94 day sobriety.
Expecting me to say anything more?
I can’t control my anger and i’m understanding the unspoken language others speak. If i get through today, i’ll have 90 days in a row completed. Still, things are not happy right now. I’ve barely been able to eat. In fact, i’ve been eating much less.
I see things clearly. If prayer is speaking to God, there’s no way it would possibly go through. I am who I need to be but am I someone that is enough.
Still 85 days sober, but in my sobriety, I realize how much of a failure I currently am. I try to show people that I value everyone, but I don’t know anymore. I had the right intentions, but I’m still a failure. I no longer know what’s right.
(Today is day 86)
Just been staying consistent. My body feels clamped up. Makes me think of a mouse trap.
Whatever happens after 90 days, i'll just be glad the pressure to keep going to day 90 will be over.
Not really trying to be attached at this point. I quit drinking 80 days ago and I’ve been meditating consistently lately. I just can’t seem to do the things i need to do. I’ve been gratitude journaling for motivation but it seems nothing changes. Idk what to do. I can’t let my ego go and be consistent with productive things right now.
I feel like i'm taking in lots of information. It’s much. Idk how to feel but it definitely takes work to feel like doing anything. This is just how it is.