I don't know who I am
Hi. I'm 22, born female and for over 4 years now I've been struggling a lot... I live with my fiance (21 f) and everything is fantastic except... sex. It's not like I'm not enjoying it cause i really do, it's just that i don't like the way I'm receiving pleasure from that. To be straight - I can't stand having a puss during our intimate activities.
Overall i don't like being feminine, I don't feel like a full woman and i hate being called one, but it doesn't bother me being one in my daily life.
Only when it comes to sex i can't stand it. I wouldn't call myself trans cause i don't feel like a man nor a woman at all.
I developed huge body dysmorphia just beacuse i simply don't have a penis. I like who I am but I forbid myself taking pleasure from intimacy with my love, cause everytime she is trying (and even tho i physically enjoy it) I stop her, start crying and ruin all the mood.
I just wish i was different and could take pleasure like men do.
I'm weird. I don't like it. Am i going crazy? What's wrong with me?
Sorry if it's chaotic, I'm not fluid in English.