I hate this
I’m honestly just looking for some support and a place to feel a little less alone right now.
I have a lot of fibroids and I won’t even get into all the details, but two of them are pretty large, around 10 cm each. I’ve been in pain for years and it’s exhausting in a way that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it. On top of that, I also have endometriosis, which has been its own battle.
I’ve come to the decision that I don’t want children, and I feel clear about that, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t still carry shame and guilt sometimes. There’s a lot wrapped up in that for me culturally and socially, and it’s been hard to untangle what I truly want versus what I’ve been taught to want.
Right now I’m going back and forth between getting a myomectomy or a hysterectomy. A big part of me just never wants to feel this kind of pain again, but it also feels like such a heavy decision. I still have some time before surgery, but my mind keeps circling it all.
I think I just needed a space to say this out loud. If anyone else has been here or is going through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Even just knowing I’m not alone would mean a lot.
Thank you for reading