Anxious For Grandfather, Dad is Useless
I am in desperate need of advice as to how to try to get my dad to take some sort of action in regards to his father’s care. He’s an only child, so there’s no other people that can take actual steps here. My grandfather had a fall on his back porch steps a week and a half ago that landed him in the ER. He’s 87, fairly mobile for his age, but his house just isn’t the safest with the stairs there. My grandmother passed back in 2013, and he lives alone. He’s been on a waitlist for a while now for a senior apartment community he loves, but we haven’t had any movement there. He’s on blood thinners, so we are VERY lucky he didn’t experience a brain bleed and is cognitively okay. He has a fall detection device but refuses to wear it. He also isnt showering or bathing due to fear of falling but also doesn’t want an aide to help him with this. He does have a in home nurse and PT who come to the house a couple times a werk.
My dad is just living life as if nothing happened. No calling the apartment complex to get a waitlist update, no searching for alternatives for housing. When I brought up that he wasnt able to shower or bathe, the response was “he’s probably fine”. I asked if he could take him to an appointment in the city while he’s on vacation from work (he works in a school) and he just ignores me. I’m trying to do what I can and i’ve tried to speak to his in home nurse, but because I’m not the main contact I can’t ask for help getting him clean or even have them talk to my dad about the situation being dangerous. (They would need my grandfather’s permission to do that and he won’t do it because he doesn’t want to be a burden). I’ve been staying at his house as much as I can, but I work FT, takw classes, and my lease is up in less than 2 months so I need to start preparing to move. My anxiety is making it almost impossible to focus on work or school. The only reason my grandfather was able to get help was because he fell outside and his neighbor saw him. His bedroom and only bathroom are both up a significant set of stairs, so the fall risk is still there.
My dad is capable of caring about things. He coaches a HS sports team in the spring and spends all his free time focused on that. To the point it’s kind of ridiculous. This incident could’ve killed him, and he just.. has no sense of urgency at all to change the situation. (Yes, he is inheriting 100% lf what my grandfather has). I can’t make any major moves because I don’t have that power here. I’ve sent options for communities with apartment availability, but I get ignored. Is there any way to try to whack a sense of urgency into my dad? I know my grandfather can’t live forever, but if this is how he were to pass, I’d never forgive myself. I can plan on moving into his house once my lease ends, but I still need time at home to get prepped for the move. :(