Fear of therapy and doctors after years of invalidation
So I’ve just started seeing a new therapist for a separate issue unrelated to HA but I intend to bring it up at some point but I am afraid. I have seen other therapists in the past who dismissed it as hormonal anxiety or something else completely unrelated. It’s really frustrating for me because I feel permanently invalidated now.
I’ve been experiencing HA since I was around 7 years old, my first bad episode was after watching an episode on TV where a cartoon character went to the hospital and received several diagnoses, I didn’t sleep properly for a week and I was extremely of eating as I feared all my food was contaminated. When I was taken to see a doctor It was dismissed and they advised that my parents make sure I eat more. Since then I’ve had several other severe episodes that usually last weeks to a few months. I’m still fearful and paranoid between them but it is not debilitating.
I was referred to a therapist for other reasons when I was 12. During that time I was experiencing a 6 month long episode where I believed I was dying from a specific disease I won’t name, I wrote a will and gave my things away, I had extremely poor grades due to the constant anxiety a very low attendance as I felt physically ill. I had daily panic attacks where I genuinely believed and felt like I was passing away. This was all explained to the therapist who blamed it on my autism or adolescence. While I know that can contribute, I really do not think it is the root cause of such symptoms.
I really want to open up to my new therapist and I am willing to give it a go but I’m so nervous that I will be invalidated. I just want an answer at this point, I don’t want to be asked when my last menstrual cycle was again, I don’t want to be told that it’s all because I’m autistic etc.