Messed life
At this point, my friendships are basically a full-time toxic sitcom. I fight with my friends like I’m finally done with them forever, give dramatic speeches in my head, unfollow them mentally, and act all independent for exactly 37 minutes… and then suddenly I’m back texting the same person because who else am I supposed to cry to? Like congratulations, you hurt my feelings, now please comfort me about it too. I genuinely don’t know how I managed to make my emotional support system the same people I argue with on a weekly basis. The problem is I don’t really have a huge friend circle, and honestly I’m too socially tired to make new friends and explain my entire personality from scratch again. So now I’m emotionally recycling people. We fight, we ignore each other, I overthink everything at 2 AM, then somehow we end up talking again because apparently attachment issues are stronger than self-respect. It’s honestly embarrassing at this point. I act like I need peace and distance, but the second life gets overwhelming, I go running back to the same humans like a confused stray cat. Maybe I don’t need therapy, maybe I just need a customer care helpline for my emotions because clearly my current coping mechanism is “fight, cry, reconcile, repeat.”