I can’t think anymore
I’m not sure if this is depression, benzo withdrawal, or both, but I feel like I’ve lost my ability to think. My mind goes blank in the middle of sentences, I get stuck repeating the same thoughts, and I second-guess everything I say. It’s become really hard to finish a sentence in conversation, and sometimes I start dissociating halfway through and don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.
I’m also dealing with depression and a lot of OCD-like intrusive thoughts. I barely recognize myself anymore and everything feels unfamiliar and alien. It’s so scary.
For context: I was on benzos for 6 years. Took 1 mg daily for 3 years, then updosed to 2 mg. I tried a rapid taper soon after but it failed. Reinstated at 1 mg, but my cognition took a huge hit after that. I had symptoms that mimic early-onset dementia. During an inpatient program I tapered to 0.5 mg, then gradually to 0.375 mg and stayed there for about a year. Things seemed to be improving until October 2025.
Since then, the intrusive thoughts have gotten much worse, and I’ve started having trouble understanding people when they talk. I sometimes make up words without realizing it, and people look at me confused. My doctor put me on 75 mg of Zoloft for depression, but I feel like I’m only getting worse. I’m now around 0.25 mg and I feel confused 24/7. I have no desire to live anymore.