There are 2 me's - the head "me" and the body "me". The head "me" hates the body "me".
The head me hates the body me. The "head" me is comfortable, logical, and smart. The body "me" is disgusting, impulsive, and weak. I hate how my body reacts. I tell myself "no" but it wants refuses to stop giving me signals that it wants "affection". No I dont want affection I want isolation. When I go to think about what happened the body "me" reacts in ways I dont like, in ways I dont consent. If I could divorce the head "me" from the body "me" I would.
I remember the day he the "abuser" left me, the body "me" thought "after everything we've been through, can we give dating a chance, ill give you my body, please stay" but the head "me" protected me by staying silent, and letting him go.
I feel disconnected from my body, constantly talking to as if it is a different person, I wish it was. It feels foreign, I feel like an "other" and I see other people as full beings. I see myself as only half a human - The head "me".