I don’t know how to deal with envy
I don’t know how to put this into words without sounding like a jealous piece of shit, but the thing is i have two friends i haven’t seen in years because they live far away, and i’ve always felt jealous of one of them because she’s really successful in life: she works at a very nice place, she always has male attention, she’s very likeable to people in general, etc. And i feel really bad for this but i hate how good life treats her. We have a group chat where we talk from time to time but i never answer because meanwhile they’re happy with their life i feel like a failure and i don’t want them to know.
I know depression might not be an excuse to be like this but i cant help it. I know we should be happy for others but i cant feel happiness for her. Everytime i talk to her after a long time she always has a new boy interested in her while i’ve been four years without even being kissed. And it kills me. Why can’t that be my life? Why i’m so behind in life? I hate everything and i hate her. I just want her to be in my shoes for one day.