u/South-Ad-4086

I just finished 11th grade and suddenly have complete freedom but I don't know what to do with it. I stay home most of the time, play games, watch web series mindlessly. I know it's not good but I can't seem to stop.

The weird part is I used to be genuinely curious — I have a diary full of notes on historical figures, philosophers, revolutionaries. People like Nietzsche, Dostoevsky, Bhagat Singh, Chanakya, Camus. I read No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai. I used to find this stuff exciting. Now even that interest feels like it's fading.

I got a new phone recently — better than anything I've ever had — and I felt almost nothing when I got it. That scared me a little.

I'm the eldest son in my family so there's real pressure to figure out a future and eventually support my family. That weight is always there.

The only thing I've started recently that feels calm and real is gardening. Just watering my plants, cutting dead leaves. It's small but it's something.

I don't think I'm depressed. I just feel empty and a little lost. Like there's a gap between who I am and how I'm actually living.

Has anyone felt this way? How did you come out of it?

NOTE: I took help from claude to write me this because my English is not good. i tell everything to claude in my language and i ask it to give me this . so

i need help from you guys to tell me ?