u/SoonToBeCarrion

My alters are mostly the result of stress reactions, some of which I don't even know the trigger of yet.

I met a girl who has DID irl (first time ever) and we hit it off pretty well. But her system is so much far ahead than mine is integration-wise. She's really curious about me as a whole and she's very supportive, but it's just that my system is so fundamentally different than how hers works:

I have alters I don't want to be out because they're too fragile, or they SH, or they only get out when a bad argument is happening, and one alter she's really interested in knowing who just disappeared after a tremendously traumatic period, and one alter whose trigger is various trauma talk.

I feel like I can't be a full person around others because of either limits I have imposed on myself or just the low likelihood others will show up at any time.

I think I'm a controlling host, I notice it in the way I speak almost possessively of the others and am usually ashamed of them, so I know my relationship with them should get better to allow for further openness, I just don't know where to start. It's so lonely honestly, we are no longer under constant threat and there's no more reason for parts to show up how much they used to, but now someone would like to meet them...?

This isn't a manic rant about wanting poliamory to cheat on a partner.

I see a lot of posts about finding "the one", but I suppose I'm in a peculiar position.

I'm ambiamorous (it means being both okay with poliamory and monogamy, like being able to fit in both styles) and sometimes I worry I will never find "the one". There are countless stories here about monogamy giving exactly the stability one needs in the one partner who is there through it all, and I wonder if the way I'm made too differently to achieve that.

I've been stable for a while now and I'm re-entering non-monogamous dating waters out of accident, but I wonder if my bipolar type 2 makes me "too much" for this dating preference of mine.

Is there any other poly or ambiamorous bipolar person, or even someone in a real open relationship, that can give me reassurance this isn't the case or do the opposite and tell me bipolar just isn't compatible with this lifestyle?