u/Solid-Shock3541

This is mainly about ego and being humble.

Even tho I really do understand why I should be humble, and even have low confidence in myself and abilities, it still feels like I have a big ego and (at least in my mind) isn't humble.

I know that no matter how good I am at something I can still learn and there will always be many better than me. And I understand that even if I did something for 50 years, I can still learn from someone that has done it a few months.

And I'm not just saying that I do understand, I really do because I understand that people are very different and our different intelligence levels and different ways of thinking and experiences, our point of view, can generate new "wisdom". So I can learn a fighting move from a toddler playing.

I just pictured this imaginary scenario:

I'm in a fighting gym sparring with a newbie, and he says "you keep leaving your x exposed/unguarded".

Even though I THINK I would just like to understand and discuss, and even if that actually is what I would do. I'm sure I'll get thoughts like "bro you're a newbie you think you can talk??"

I'm not sure if this is just an intrusive thought, or my "inner real character".

One time my brother told me "holy shit look at how much dandruff you have" and I instantly got defensive and said something like "bro look at yours do you not notice how much YOU have?".

I'm sure he knows he has more than me, but I said that because I got defensive which is a sign of a poor character. (Btw saying these things is normal for us, we are a bit rough with each other, so I'm not like a huge asshole in this).

I understand the importance of humility but just can't be humble. I understand why ego has (pretty much) 0 benefits and many flaws but can't contain my ego.

I fully understand that I'm weaker than most in a fight, despite my size advantage, but can barely imagine losing to others, even trained fighters.

When I was in my collage apartment I spent so much time playing video games, nearly all day.

Now I went back to parents house and I can't bring myself to play. It's like the desire itself is gone, but I want to want to play.

When I was younger I was very scared when I got older I'd stop playing video games, and this isn't exactly what's happening but it feels a bit close.

With that being said, any games that I would still want to play at this situation? My usual gaming is first person games, like L4D2, Overwatch, Mordhau, and similar games.

I'm thinking of games you think you would play if you were burned out or stressed out.