u/Slurpeepatch

Back in 2019, I asked out a co-worker who initially said yes. We went on a few dates before she called things off and she had cited not being in a good place for dating because of two things. One was her claim that she wanted some time for herself to heal after a recent ugly breakup. Two was that apparently her mother was really controlling over her life, especially her dating life, and she wanted to put her focus on moving out of her mom’s house before committing to dating.

So I spent a lot of time waiting for her at her request. She specifically asked how I felt about waiting for her to be ready and I agreed with zero hesitation. But then came a point where a mutual friend had told me that she had started dating another guy. I asked this girl about if she was dating anyone and she denied it. But I did some digging around on social media and sure enough, I found her new boyfriend. Even though she was still acting flirty, acting as if she was single and saving herself for me, she clearly had a boyfriend.

So the next time she tried talking to me at work, I just ignored her and walked the other way. I had a lot of anxiety about doing that to a co-worker, but then I slowly realized that it felt good giving her the cold shoulder. So we spent the next few months ignoring each other until she got a new job and that was the end of her.

Jump to now and I feel as if I’m in a position where I like holding grudges and ignoring people who I perceive to have wronged me. Specifically women who I view as romantic interests. There have been several occasions since the pandemic where I’ll ask out a girl, she’ll reject me for one reason, and then come crawling back to me. My response to them coming back to me is to ignore them and hold a grudge. I get so much satisfaction out of walking past them like they don’t exist when they try to talk to me. I feel good knowing that I burned that bridge and pissed them off.

But I’m finally at a point at 30 years old where I’m starting to realize that it’s nothing but short term satisfaction that turns into long term pain and regret. I know that I need to overcome this, but I don’t know how. I know this all goes back to my co-worker from 2019 and I’m trying to understand why that’s lead to me getting such joy out of cold shoulders and grudges towards women who I know didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. What’s wrong with me?

Back in 2019, I asked out a co-worker who initially said yes. We went on a few dates before she called things off and she had cited not being in a good place for dating because of two things. One was her claim that she wanted some time for herself to heal after a recent ugly breakup. Two was that apparently her mother was really controlling over her life, especially her dating life, and she wanted to put her focus on moving out of her mom’s house before committing to dating.

So I spent a lot of time waiting for her at her request. She specifically asked how I felt about waiting for her to be ready and I agreed with zero hesitation. But then came a point where a mutual friend had told me that she had started dating another guy. I asked this girl about if she was dating anyone and she denied it. But I did some digging around on social media and sure enough, I found her new boyfriend. Even though she was still acting flirty, acting as if she was single and saving herself for me, she clearly had a boyfriend.

So the next time she tried talking to me at work, I just ignored her and walked the other way. I had a lot of anxiety about doing that to a co-worker, but then I slowly realized that it felt good giving her the cold shoulder. So we spent the next few months ignoring each other until she got a new job and that was the end of her.

Jump to now and I feel as if I’m in a position where I like holding grudges and ignoring people who I perceive to have wronged me. Specifically women who I view as romantic interests. There have been several occasions since the pandemic where I’ll ask out a girl, she’ll reject me for one reason, and then come crawling back to me. My response to them coming back to me is to ignore them and hold a grudge. I get so much satisfaction out of walking past them like they don’t exist when they try to talk to me. I feel good knowing that I burned that bridge and pissed them off.

But I’m finally at a point at 30 years old where I’m starting to realize that it’s nothing but short term satisfaction that turns into long term pain and regret. I know that I need to overcome this, but I don’t know how. I know this all goes back to my co-worker from 2019 and I’m trying to understand why that’s lead to me getting such joy out of cold shoulders and grudges towards women who I know didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. What’s wrong with me?