Leonar as Esther makes zero sense. The mannerism, the acting it's ALL wrong. The actress is all eyebrows. Too much expression. OG Esther was so much more elusive and mysterious. And somehow passionate. This lewnor version of Esther is so poorly done it feels so fake.
I believe I suffered 3 years of severe postpartum depression because of this, and I still feel too traumatized to have another kid.
I was constantly told by my female in-laws at home, at dawats, at gatherings, every time I was seen feeding my kid, that I need to start the bottle at max six months, since I won't do it immediately. extended inlaws as well as immediate. I was quite young (early 20s), now im early 30's. I wanted to have another kid by now but i wanted to wait for my sil to get married because i couldnt put up with what i went through again.
first of all, i wasnt allowed to choose a name, and this will happen again I fear. they didnt want an arabic name but a cultural name. I wanted a proper muslim name with a good meaning.
Secondly, I breastfed so apparently my child was chronically hungry and I was a bad mother. They could not wait to start stuffing food into the kid, weaning signs be damned. at four or five months my kid was stuffed with cerelac, with a screen playing cocomelon and all that other child brain rot. to this day im dealing with this problem of screen addiction and an unhealthy relationship with food. because the kid was overstuffed to the point of vomitting. my mil had no faith in me as a mother and would consistently ask her daughter to feed the baby because she ensured the bowl was empty rather than the tummy was fool. healthy habits were not a concern. the kid should be fat and full because im not giving formula.
I introduced the bottle at 1.5yrs and stopped bf at 2. i only introduced it when i felt im not producing enough milk and i had decided its time to transition. i tbh wanted to give a cup and skip the bottle completely. but i never got the safe space i needed to make my own parenting decisions. Even the mere notion of my saying you're giving too much bottle milk so he has no room for food was a HUGE issue. im talking 3 bottles a day + breastfeeding and then the vomit inducing meals. I was constantly put aside in favour of my sil for everything. my younger unmarried sil who was dictating how i should be raising my kid. honestly i think a lot of it was also about control.
i emerged out of it as a weak, lonely person with poor mental health. i wanted to die, my child kept me going. i feel heavy whenever i talk about it. my husband calls it self pity. im scared to do it again. the aftermath of the birth was more traumatizing than the birth itself.
this time im wondering if i should tell my mil flat out that im going to do as i see fit (it will strain our good relationship) or else im not going to have another kid. I dont know. I want a baby, i want my kid to have sibblings to play with now, and count on as adults. I'm depressed just thinking about these inevitable future challenges.