How Do I Move Forward When My Life Feels Full of Regret and emptiness? Is there any path?
Here is a more concise version that preserves the key details:
How should I move forward?
I am 30 and feel too old to start over. I am full of regrets and do not know how to deal with them.
My biggest regret is not studying mathematics, which I truly loved. Even though I worked hard and reached a PhD at a top university, that feeling never left me. I believe I had the talent for it, but now I feel like I am not even that smart anymore.
I also feel I ruined many opportunities because of fear and stress. At the same time, I am a transgender woman still in the closet and not being able to live as myself creates a deep sense of emptiness.
I have never had a real relationship. I am in a long-distance relationship for six years without intimacy. It is not enough, and there is no future, but I cannot end it because I do not want to hurt him.
I had a valuable chance with this PhD scholarship, but due to stress and problems in my home country, I feel I performed far below my potential. Now it feels too late, and I am not even sure I will be okay.
Given all this, I know I need to move past these regrets, but I do not know how, or how to fill this emptiness.
Is there any real solution? Is there any path to try?