I’ve made several other posts on Reddit, so I’m sure you can look at those and see the gist. But basically, we have been together for 13 years, married for 10. We’ve got two kids and honestly, a really good life. He told me after a while when we first started dating, that he was into pegging, and I was a little weirded out by it, but it was whatever. Come to find out after our first child was born, he was really into cuckolding and hotwifing. I said no, because he was enough for me and I honestly could never imagine myself with somebody else. Over the years, he was consistently saying things about it, that he would really love to see me with somebody else and see me enjoy it. Eventually, I gave in. I know that that is absolutely not what I should have done, but I wanted to keep an open mind, and it was something that he really wanted, so I thought I could be able to try. Well, he was so turned on by it and it was such a consuming aspect of our sex life from that point forward. I did enjoy it at the time, but I did tell him that I do prefer just us and I like our sex life more when it’s normal.
It got so consuming, he would tell me on vacation that I could go sleep with random men if I wanted.. with our kids literally in the next room. I would tell him that I am not trying to have sex with somebody on vacation, I’m there to spend time with my family. Overtime, this just chipped away at our relationship and with my constant telling him that I prefer just us, but he would always send me pictures in dirty videos, and whatever that showed me that it was still what he preferred. Well, long story short I did sleep with somebody again several years ago and now he’s constantly checking my location, going through my phone in my computer multiple times a day and it is so exhausting. I slept with this guy for videos and pictures to pacify my husband, but there was one instance where I did have sex with him outside of our agreement simply because I wanted to have sex that was just about me and not having to go and relive the experience and have it be about his needs. It’s frustrating because he always says it’s about me, but he’s the one who enjoys it 10x more. And now the trust is broken, but for me I think the marriage has been over for a long time because we are sexually incompatible on that front.
I was going to tell him we needed a divorce the other night, but I chickened out. He’s an amazing person, father, and he has always been good to me outside of this.
I’m having so much regret for giving in to cuckolding and wish it was never brought up. I truly believe we would have been able to live happily ever after without it. I just feel so defeated and know I’m done, I just cant get the courage to break his heart.
Thanks for listening.