I don't know if I want to try anymore
Title says it all. Husband is 40, I'm turning 36 in a few months, we are lucky to have one beautiful little girl who just turned 5. Last May, we lost our son at 17w and then in October we had another loss at 9w. Between trying to conceive baby #2 and the 2nd loss, it was a full year of essentially living "on hold"; trying to get pregnant, getting pregnant, going through loss, and repeat. We both agreed to take a minimum 6 month break, and we had planned to start TTC again in May. But as the month approaches, I'm not sure I want to try again / anymore, frankly. It's not just about the fear of another loss and/or the fact that any future pregnancy will be considered high-risk and I'll have to take blood thinners (I was found to have lupus anticoagulant, which may have caused the previous losses), although those are considerations. But I'm also tired from living in the what if, and frankly, I don't know if I have it me to plunge back into the newborn trenches / toddler years etc, even if we were successful, especially as I just feel like we've settled as a family after the grief of the past year. Obviously I may regret this decision (I always envisioned having more than one child) but would it be wrong to tell my husband that I've changed my mind about trying again?