moving there btw,
25 F ,
i have lotta hobbies and interests but ig thats boring so lets do matching trauma now
if ur bored, love philosophy, politics or random talks hmu
also I'm not much of interesting person (i.e no drugs, alcohol, asexual and dont have much will to live, am probably the most average person anyone would ever meet)
i just read in another sub where a man was asking about movies that show women weak , submissive and abused, so here i am asking the opposite
Apparently the guy who did nikah with me a week ago knew I didn't like him but didn't cared enough about it and he hates my physical appearance
I'm curvy, with a chubby face, I've heard so many compliments about my body from men and so many back handed compliments from women. but never did i ever thought the guy who'd marry me would hate it. He just told me that yesterday, like the most casual thing, he also mentions he likes me now but hated my body, was never attracted to me, never liked me.
I had 6 men heads over heels for me, who were willing to give me everything but i being a misogamist, hated every proposal.
There eyes would always look for me in a room full of ppl, while his eyes look at every man and woman and then me or never me
we were at a dinner, his treat of nikah, and he and his family didn't once look at me or offered me any food, I would have gotten my own, but that shifted something in me. I hate how i come last for him . How he made sure everyone ate , 9 men, 6 women. everyone except me
I have been showed love in more ways than anyone can imagine, but the one person i thought I'd choose over everything , the one person i kept myself away from everything for, doesn't even looks at me, doesn't even thinks I'm beautiful, just a plain woman who his family chose
i didn't wanted to marry bcz ik i consider nikah something permanent, that was one bond i considered permanent, that i could never look at any other man the same, no matter what i couldn't even speak to the men around me the same.
i knew i would consider the every small thng that would hurt him, ik my caring side and nothing breaks me more then knowing everything i will ever do for this man wont be enough, and I'll never be loved, chosen or cared for the same again
i knew men willing to be on their knees to beg me and yet here the only thing he cares about is ....his romantic feelings, no other things then his pleasure. even though it was just a nikah yet i can see his conversations Turning into sexual conversations. no bond , no friendship, just fckd up mentality.
I didn't keep myself away from everything for this, everyone keeps calling him perfect for existing, for doing everything but i wish itto be different andi feel wrong for even feeling this. I've felt seen, heard and loved in a way that now everything he does , every glance at other women or men makes me cry, gives me pain and the worst feeling of my life
He knew all about me, what I wanted, yet he didn't care
Edit: Ppl saying over weight and chubby are the same thing , how idiotic . Curvy figure requires work and takes time. Its how i like my body. And even when i was thin af and bones i still had a chubby/ full / circle face.
Also its a rant, since i can't say no or move out or run away. My parents are fckng abusive af and none of this would matter
The only gud thing is he isn't abusive till now
Edit 2: my 1st post with hilarious responses
i sleep and usually the dreams last for 1 or 2 minutes, i wish that i could stay for dreams for years, is there any way that could become possible?