u/Scary_Sprinkles4740

TDLR: My dad is super stressed with the glut of chair responsibilities and I'm worried about him. How can I help?

My dad recently became chair of his department and has been incredibly stressed. A lot of changes are happening at the university and there is a lot of work that only he can do. He's always had a touch of nihilistic tendencies, but its become much more apparent in the past couple years. Students don't ask questions, answer questions, come to office hours, care about the material, accept help, or take assignments seriously. AI use and academic dishonesty have gotten worse. The mission of education has lost a lot of its shine. He wanted to be a good chair and pass it forward, as he said the good chair's in his life had made a positive impact on him and his work. But I don't think he feels like his work is making a difference. The administration side is eating at him... the politics and rhetoric are annoying at best. I don't know how he could achieve a work-life balance with the amount of responsibilities he's been handed, as so much of it can't be delegated.

Our family has tried to talk about the positive things that he's accomplished for his faculty and dept. He has genuinely made a difference and fought for his dept. but I don't think its really sinking in. I'm worried about him and the affects that chronic stress and fatigue might have on his health. I think our family already has a bit of a predisposition for depression/anxiety, and I don't want him to struggle with things like I have.

TDLR: My dad is super stressed with the glut of chair responsibilities and I'm worried about him. How can I help?

TLDR: I want to help my grandmother experience things she enjoys, but she says its not plausible and talking about it saddens her. I want to help but don't want to make her sad.

I'm a mostly able bodied grandchild.

Context: My grandmother is in her 80s. She's been a widow for 20+ years and has lived alone since my grandfather's death. My grandfather was in the air force so they moved all the time before his passing. After his death she moved back to her home state to be with her sister and extended family and friends. A couple years after I was born, she moved up north to be in the same community as my father to help our family and just be closer.

She has had pets, mostly little yappy dogs lol, but she still lives alone and I know she feels like she is missing out on a lot. My family calls every night to talk to her because we're often too busy to visit in person most evenings. She has friends and goes to community organizations, card groups, craft activities at the senior center, church, etc. I believe she calls her sister almost everyday. She had one of her knees replaced a couple years ago, and it almost made her mobility worse with one leg that well but is now straighter and effectively 'taller' than the other, though she has been pretty adamant about not getting her other knee done. Her back and joint pain has gotten worse. She walks with a cane now. But she hasn't had any bad falls (knock on wood) and still drives herself and takes care of her little dog. All of this to say, she still gets lonely and maintains the vast majority of her independence.

Problem: She misses out of things she wants to do. There are a couple annual trips and events that she used to do for decades with family and friends that involve leaving the state. Her sister only lives 6ish hours from us. Recently, I was talking about how she should go to an event this summer with her sister and friends. But sitting for more than an hour makes her joints stiff and so long drives can be hard. She said she was done flying on planes after decades of doing so in the air force. I've tried to propose solutions, but she has shot them all down. We could see her off at the airport and her sister could pick her up, the flight is only about an hr, she could drive with someone to keep her company and take a break every hour to stretch, and I've insisted that we would care for her dog. At some point when I was talking about it, she said that I don't understand what its like to be old and not have the mobility to do things anymore. It makes her sad, but she just doesn't feel like she can do these things.

Logically, I know I can't truly understand her feelings on the matter. In trying to empathize, I thought she would appreciate the help/support to do things that she wishes to do. I don't really understand why she shoots my ideas down without considering my proposed solutions. Her sister and friends have been encouraging her to go as well. Last year after our annual vacation, she said she wanted to go next time. She has since said she won't come. I know she feels like a burden sometimes, but I don't want that to prevent her from accepting help in enjoying things.

So I'm conflicted about the situation. I want my grandmother to do things she would like to do-especially when I feel there are reasonable solutions, but respecting her wishes without harassing her is most important...I think I'm just asking for some perspective/opinions. It makes me sad to think that she won't get to experience these things that she loved again. I know this is probably more than a little jumbled, sorry about that.

TLDR: I want to help my grandmother experience things she enjoys, but she says its not plausible and talking about it saddens her. I want to help but don't want to make her sad.