I can't deal with my mom anymore
I just needed to say something because I can't take my mom yelling at me over petty things and being transphobic anymore. I really suspect she has some kind of mental disorder, like narcissism or depression.
TW: If you're trans and sensitive to transphobic or hurtful comments, I suggest you don't read this because it hurt me a lot.
Once we just came back from the airport from Christmas holiday, we were eating with a friend of hers at a Japanese restaurant. I don't remember what led to this conversation but she started talking about "You and your dad make me want to suicide" so I tell her she should get therapy or counselling, she refuses really strongly and says her sleeping pills are doing the job for her. That's odd, I've never seen or suspected she was taking sleeping pills. This was back in 2024.
My mom is (50 something F) and my dad is (60+M). I am in my mid-teens.
So fast forward to the 19th of April 2026, we had family dinner. I went to check on my cat because he had just been de sexed. She wanted to get my attention so she said "女" which can be used for 'daughter' and/or 'woman'. I've already told her I would NOT respond to her if she calls me that, and I've told her I do not like being called that and she should stop. (Because I'm trans) I did the same, didn't reply because we've been through this and she started going off. (My fault but I already told her I wouldn't respond. We had an argument, I'll translate it down here
"You can't always ignore me because of that, I also don't like you calling me your mom, I don't like being your mom."
"Then why'd you give birth to me?"
(interrupting me) "You should call me aunt (in Cantonese, calling an older woman an aunt can mean that they're of friend status) or by my name"
So I repeat "Okay so why'd you give birth to me if you don't want me calling you mom?"
(Interrupting again) "If you're calling me mom then I'm going to call you daughter" (Which I get but she doesn't understand, I don't want to be a a daughter, I want to be a son)
"Then why'd you come out? (Referring to the womb) You could've stayed inside! You could've chose someone else to be your mom, you could've not come out. I didn't choose you" That statement she made was so fucking stupid, I could eat alphabet soup and spit out something more logical than THAT. I was stunned to silence
"Why'd you choose me to be your mom? Why'd you choose me to be your mom?"
"You CHOSE to give birth to me."
"Well I also didn't choose to give birth to you, I didn't want a daughter, I wanted a son."
"Then let me be your son, I don't like being a girl anyways."
(Interrupting me again) "Then before birth why didn't you tell them you wanted to be a boy? Why'd you turn out to be a girl?" (Okay what the actual fuck are you talking about)
"I didn't want a daughter, I didn't want a girl"
"You don't know how badly I wanted a son."
"Then have ME as your son" (Because trans)
"You are not a boy. If you're a girl you're a girl, if you're a boy you're a boy."
"So if you don't want me calling you 女 then you shouldn't call me your mom."
Keep in mind my dad said nothing. Talk about being there for the child you wanted.
She's also said that trans woman are 'pretending' to be women only because they want to snoop around in the women's restroom. After that she followed up with "You could have all the surgeries you want but you'll never be a real man."
That's all I can translate back to English because we were arguing in Cantonese, sorry if it's a handful but it's really important. I don't know how much longer I can live like this, especially when my final exams are here and she CHOSE to move out to another house DURING MY FINAL EXAMS. After that she acts normal again, acting as if it never happened. I fucking hate her, I want to leave this house, I want new parents. I didn't choose those two dipshits to be my parents, I don't care if I'm privileged. If the gods are real then why am I being punished like this (I don't think they are real.), I didn't choose this, I swear it's not my fault.
If you are not mentally capable or haven't considered all the possibilities, (Eg. having a child who's part of the LGBTQIA+ community, missing or gained one more chromosome, is mentally unwell, etc) then do not have children. if you want a specific gender then do not have children.
I don't know if I will still be here to read any helpful advice, but I just want anyone, even a stranger, to know about this. I appreciate any advice or replies.