u/S1lly_G00se1

Im not sure if this is the right subreddit for this, but imma give it a go.

My dad hunts, not for sport, but for food. He hunts deer specifically.

He always hung the deer from its hind legs outside from a tree, which I was totally fine with, as long as I didn’t have to get to close, and I didn’t see it’s stomach, which was cut open and filled with bags of ice. He’s been doing this my whole life by the way.

After the deer hung for a few days/weeks, my mom and dad would bring it into the kitchen and cut it up. Which I was again, fine with, as long as I wasn’t there. I would go up to my room and not come down until they were done.

Well, one year my dad brought home a deer, as usual.
He hung it out under the same tree it always was.
And after a week or so, he brought it in and chipped it up, while I played in my room.

Well, I thought the deer was disposed of. The meat cut off and out neatly into bags in the freezer, the heart in a Tupperware in the fridge, the bones and organs in trash bags in the back of my dad’s truck.

Well, as me and my mom went to leave to go shopped on day, she stopped the car right next to my treehouse-where the deer had been hanging-to check her phone.

I looked over to my right, and I see the deers HEAD just hanging by its antlers under my treehouse.

It’s eyes had rolled back into its head, blood dripped down its nose, I could see stringy meaty bits hanging from where the poor things neck should have been…presumably its throat…

I screamed, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, and when my dad got home, I asked him to move it.

He had told me I was dramatic, but that he would move it anyway, which he did.
I hadn’t known where he moved it for a while, but eventually I saw it’s nose sticking out from his folding garage thingy (those yellow pop up garages)

We were talking about it one day, my dad had came home from work, and I asked him if had moved the head. He said yes, and then he was making fun of me for being scared. And he jokingly said he was going to put it on my pillow…I almost cried on the spot, but I held it in, I was used to holding it in.

That night I had a nightmare, I was sleeping when the deer head was hovering above my head, it’s blood dripping onto my face.

I didn’t touch my treehouse or the swing underneath it for weeks, there was still blood in the dirt, I could still feel the deers presence, as if the ghost of it’s hanging body was still there. It was probably in my head, but I was scared.

The next year, my dad brought home a deer. I was terrified this year. And I hid in my room as usual when the time came for him to cut it. But I had made the mistake of looking out my window for the stray cat outside…I saw my dad cutting meat off the deer…

One day, my mom was working on the deer, she had convinced me to come downstairs, as the deer was only in the kitchen.

Im not sure what exactly happened, but I remember hiding in the bathroom, covering my ears and closing my eyes, huddled behind the door, sobbing. I was convinced that my mom had a deer leg in her hand, my brain just convinced me, even though I knew it wasn’t true. My mom pushed open the door, and instead of comforting me, she told me I was being ridiculous, and forced me to open my eyes. I was even more scared.

My dad has a taxidermy deer head in the dining room, along with two deer skulls, a fox hide (just the head) and a stuffed duck of some sort. I was terrified of that deer taxidermy before this whole thing happened. Whenever I would go into my kitchen, I would think that the back half of the deer would be through the wall. That fear got worse. I still love taxidermy, just not deer.

I still can’t look at a deer the same. I dread hunting season. I can’t look at raw meat. I can’t eat steak. And I’m still terrified of my treehouse.

The deer head is still in the yard, no longer in the garage, but now in a tree. I can see it at certain angles.

One day red vines had grown on the tree the deer head was, and only that tree. They reminded me of what was hanging from its neck.

This was way longer than anticipated, but I really need to get this off my chest. How do I heal this trauma, and cure my fear of deer?

(I feel like people may think this is a made up story, but it’s all true and real)

I have had a fear of Micheal Jackson since forever, and I thought it was going to go away as I got older, but it hasn’t.

I once tried to cure this fear using exposure therapy. To do this I watched one of his music videos, I just searched “Micheal Jackson music videos” on YouTube and clicked the first result…bad idea…

The song was thriller. And since I have avoided MJ so much, I didn’t know about this music video and its…premise…
So I watched the video, and was then even MORE afraid of MJ.

My friend sometimes randomly shows me pictures of MJ or something (she lives across the country so it’s via text or face time screen sharing) and I literally scream out loud most of the time, or at least physically jump.

Even just the sound of his voice scares me. I cant listen to his music (which sucks, because I think I would actually really like his music) if someone says “hee hee” in that MJ tone I get freaked out.

There’s a part in Conan Gray’s song “Lonely Dancers” where he sounds vaguely like MJ (“waste time, forget that guy. He don’t know love, I hope he dies. Get back up, we’ll be alright”) and when I first heard it I was like “yeahhhh…I don’t think I’ll be listening to this song very much…” but I do listen to it on an almost daily basis (as with all of Found Heaven) so I feel like that’s a start?

When the trailer for “Micheal” came on the TV (a movie about MJ) I about had a heart attack. That’s worse than any horror movie imaginable.

My dad also listens to a song from back when he was in The Jackson Five, and that freaks me out too (the one that’s like “abc, easy as 1 2 3, doe ray me” or something)

So how do I cure this fear? I would love to listen to his music, as I feel like I would enjoy it. But I can’t because of this fear. I also think I would enjoy the new movie, and I also don’t want to be terrified every time that ad comes on TV.

I really want to get Conan Gray vinyls and CDs, specifically the Found Heaven, Wishbone, and Superache vinyls. I checked Walmart and target, but I couldn’t find them. I really don’t wanna order online, especially from Conan’s store because they’re so expensive (I thought you were a low class guy, Cone. Why is your merch so expensive?) it may just be my stores in particular (I live in a very rural area) so any store recommendations?

(my age is at 18 for privacy reasons, that is not my real age)
I am a young teen girl (?) and I am so so confused.
I grew up in a republican, homophobic, Christian household. My aunt is gay, and my parents are fine with people being gay, but my mom says it’s quote “unnatural” they think that transgender and nonbinary people have a mental disorder, they think that bisexual people need to “pick a lane” furries “think that they’re animals and they use litter boxes, and want litter boxes in schools” and anything else is weird too, and I have always thought the same, until recently.
I found out the truth about everything, that trans people are valid, and do not have mental disorders, and need therapy and to go to a mental hospital. I learned that furries do not think that they’re animals, they don’t use litter boxes. I learned about Therians and the queer community, and I realized that they’re not at all what I was taught.
That leads me to my issue. I found out I was a therian a few months ago, and also found out I was bisexual. But I just can’t figure out my gender.
Some days I feel like I’m a girl, some days I feel like a boy, and some days I feel like both of those sound wrong. But I found out what genderfluid is, and I feel like that fits…? Maybe? I can’t figure out my gender and it sucks. Some days I look in the mirror and I hate that god cursed me with a female body, some days I absolutely love it. But here’s the thing, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a gay man, don’t ask me why, I don’t know. But I wanted to be a gay man, so much so that I used to pretend to be one online (Roblox, among us, ect.) and anytime I even look at a man, I get this pit in my gut, because I know I will never be that. I hate being a girl, but on a very rare occasion I love it. So…how the hell do I figure out who I am? And how do I tell my parents that “she” just doesn’t sound right some days? How do I tell my mom I want a short mullet? And how do I be me if who I truly am is exactly what my parents told me was so wrong? I want to dress like a boy, I want to get piercings and die my hair red, I want to dress alternatively and listen to rock and punk rock. But all of that is bad in my parent’s eyes. The only person who knows about my struggles is my very best friend, but she’s four years younger than me and lives across the country. Sorry this is so long, I had a lot to get off my chest.

I have never liked sports, but I recently read “Fake Skating” by Lynn Painter, which made want to get into ice hockey (I have wanted to like a sport for a while, but this really pushed it) But how do I do that? How do I know which team I like? How do I know which players to root for? Or which teams are rivals (I think that’s how that works…?) not to mention that I don’t know the rules of the game. I went to one hockey game as a child (my father got free tickets from work) but I don’t remember it, other than I really wanted a puck, and the goalie had waved at me (we were front row right behind the goalie) so any advice on how to get into hockey? And how to know which team I like? And also, do I have to only like one team? Or can I like and support multiple teams? I know this is a lot of questions, and I apologize for that. I also can’t ask any people I know, because none of my family members are into sports. Any advice is helpful!