UPDATE BELOW. This is going to be a long post. I'm really just ranting to get this off my chest since I saw it coming already. I (30F) have spent the last 3 mother's days doing things for my MIL (55F). She likes to plan things like "family plant shopping" where we all go buy plants and then plant them for her in her garden. She then does things like ripping out most of last year's plants because she made me plant full things in almost full shade. Needless to say they died within a month and I've been the subject of small comments all year long for "killing" the plants. Very big on "oh I'm just joking" for the whole family.
Post details have been lightly edited for anonymity because it got more attention than I was expecting. Enjoy, lol. 🌻
Now to start, I do actually like my MIL. She can be very sweet/caring and would do anything for her family. She just has serious boundary issues and trained the whole family to bow to her will over the years or she will mope/throw a tantrum until they cave anyways. She is incredibly skilled with subtle manipulation. I was raised by a narcissist, your jedi powers dont work on me. FIL is the worst with enabling her tantrums and husband (32M) bowed to her as well until we met and he realized just how much she controlled him.
Now for this weekend:
I told my husband the one thing I wanted this year was to send time with him and my kids, with no MIL involvement. We have spent time with them 4 of the last 8 weekends so it's not like we are avoiding them. But I knew, he knew, she would find a way. We made plans to go to the creek with our young kids, paint some pottery, and have a movie night. MIL can't hike well and wouldn't be able to invite herself along. MIL was also supposed to have surgery today on her hip so she should be resting/recovering this weekend.
Well husband got a text from FIL this morning asking us to come over this weekend because *gasp* the surgery has been moved to next week. So this will be the last weekend for awhile she can move around freely. Now I'm used to this, I knew she would find a way and normally I would just move some things around because I'm to tired to fight it this time (3-4mo baby going through sleep regression right now) but we are booked the next few weekends.
I'm incredibly frustrated. I do understand her wanting to see the grandkids one more time before surgery and she won't be able to do a lot of things with them afterwards. I also can safely assume she made FIL bring it up so my husband agrees because instead of bringing it up herself she has been dropping hints all week about it beating around the bush. Which leads me to think she moved the surgery herself to force us to come over. Really wouldnt surprise me but I have no proof of that, pure speculation.
She has also made many unwanted comments the last couple weeks that just make me not want to be around her right now. Earlier phone call she asked about LO next doctors appointment, we said it isn't scheduled yet because we are switching pediatricians. Her immediate response was "wow you should get that done you know" in a lightly condescending tone. Thanks. I had no idea.
I'm just tired and angry. Normally husband and I would say no, we have plans but we are both pretty tired right now and just don't want to deal with the aftermath. Feeling petty, might make plans with my dad for father's day and wait to say anything until 3 days beforehand. Won't actually do it but ohhhhh it's tempting.
Thanks for reading, Happy Mother's day 😂
UPDATE We are not going. Hubs got home from work and we agree, we need to keep putting our food down until this stops no matter how tired we are right now. Other family has already caved and said they will be there so it'll be a fun ride but mother's day we will have our phones off enjoying time with our kids. I'll keep this updated if s**t hits the fan 🫡