u/Recent-Promise-52

My heart was the stone,

and you were the water.

You were the river who

cooled me down when my

feet got hotter.

You were the hand soft

enough to touch a fragile

heart.

You were the whisper in

the wind.

The blush in my cheeks,

in the morning

and in the night.

Your eyes were cold but

melted into mine, that

feeling itself turned

back time.

I wanted to tell you I could

care less about what makes

you imperfect.

Your golden heart is what's

worth it.

If you called me right now

I would be the same.

I would smile, I would laugh,

I would sing your name.

You would know my love

for you has never changed,

no season, no reason

could take it away.

I'm as devoted as they come

ever since you came my way.

Be careful of the prowling lion

who eats broken hearts.

They prowl for limping gazelles,

for the ones who can't tell.

They'll attack you from behind,

and they won't call it a crime.

They finish you off quickly and

call it mercy.

Then drink your blood when

they get thirsty.

So hide yourself before the night

comes and the hunting starts,

and be careful of the prowling

lion who eats broken hearts.

If I could make it back to you,

I would forget my trembling

voice and hands.

I would forget my insecurities,

you would take me as I am.

I would fall into you helplessly

and not care who was around.

I wouldn't care if I fell to the ground.

I would show you everything,

even the tears I was afraid

for you to see.

I would forget my weaknesses

and give you all the strength

I had possibly left in me.

I love you.

I sent myself on a mission to forget you, I wanted to write you away. I wanted to keep you in a poem and not in my head, and it worked. I made you into a moment where you would always stay, untill your memories sparked something in me again.

I realized how completely rare you are, not perfect but rare because you fit perfectly with me and I haven't fit like that with anyone no matter how alike we are. I am so confused and I want to move on, I want to hope there's someone who's really meant for me. But you were like a dream, everything happened all at once and I looked at you one day and I saw myself being your wife.

Walking beside you, we were like two magnets and it felt so comfortable following you whenever you went, you could take me anywhere and I'd never fear. I never felt so at ease with someone before, I could sit in silence next to you and feel so content, listening to your breathing was my favorite thing. It was better than any song.

I loved how you talked with me, when you saw something interesting the first one you came to was me. We shared our opinions about everything, and we are so alike, I never met anyone who matched my humor word for word, and who could genuinely make me laugh. We never ran out of things to talk about.

You taught me so many things, and shockingly you told me you learned from me too. I remember the way you blushed that one day, It came as a surprise and I saw it on your face. You weren't sure why you got shy, and I saw you readjust yourself and shake it off and everything.

I couldn't hide how big my smile was and I kept on with the conversation trying not to be obvious but in my head I was just repeating how cute you were.

I remember how you'd started to find reasons to be closer to me, when your hand touched mine, I just loved it so much and I felt addicted almost, I was obsessed with how natural it felt, I wasn't nervous touching your hand at all, it felt like home, I wanted my hand in yours all the time.

And you were my kind of weird, the kind of weird that made me happy, your quirks were so loveable. I haven't met anyone as naturally funny, honest and kind as you. I never imagined having kids until I met you, I felt like we were so in sync we could accomplish anything together.

I haven't met anyone who motivated me or moved me since. I haven't talked to anyone who I felt in tune with, like I was with you.

My thoughts keep going back to the time we had together, I remember all the things you did for me.

I could genuinely be at peace with you, and I could spend everyday with you like that. We didn't choose each other and there's no one else who has taken your place and I'm still waiting on that.

Even after writing this I still feel like there's more to say, you understood me on a level I couldn't explain, there wasn't any mood, or thought, or feeling I could hide from you, you knew it all. One look at me and you were on it, whatever I needed. you always stuck up for me and that shocked me so much. Even the little things bothered you, you wanted to solve them even when I had it.

That time we were together and all the sudden you said, "you're perfect as you are, you don't have to change anything" you didn't say it for a reaction, you said it so casually as a fact, I never had anyone be so honest about what they feel and think and never hesitate to share it with me. You did that over and over again, you called me beautiful in a million different ways and not just physically, you saw who I was. You even apologized and told me you couldn't help but compliment me about everything I do. I was still awkward because I never, ever met someone like that.

I brushed it off In front of you because you were going to make me cry and I couldn't utter a word or else the tears would slip, there were so many moments I went cold because I didn't want to cry. I was afraid of how deep and how endless your love and kindness was for me.

You always spoke straight into me, every word was intentional, and I never been vulnerable with anyone like that. I was afraid of love when it finally came to me, you saw that too.

You wanted my mess, you kept getting softer and softer and encouraging me to share myself with you, you kept reassuring me that you'd be there, you wouldn't turn me away, that part was the part that made me run.

I was afraid to trust, I was afraid of coming undone, I had fabricated a version of me I could trust to handle everything, you didn't want that for me, you wanted to take that place. That was something I was terrified to do.

So I didn't take the risk, and I shut myself down, everything was a blur but I was scared, you poked into my subconscious, you dug into me and saw my deepest desires and you wanted to be every one of them and not causally, but indefinitely.

Never ever met a man more passionate and fearless than you.

You don't know but you have my heart, I gave it to you, you still have it.

I see your anger, your hurt, but most of all

I see your fear.

Trust is a word, you do not trust at all,

trust is the price you pay when you fall.

you must have learned that the hard

way after all.

I did so just the same.

You may not see but I have been fooled

by a performer too.

Sweet words, sweet talk, with no soul to give.

They thirst for your innocence, they thrist for your

Ignorance.

They thrist for those who will throw it

all away, just to talk with them another day.

Their ego fed, the other soul filled with dread.

Your anger, your projections, I dealt

with that all my life.

My cheating father throwing knives

at his dear old wife.

So no your hurt feelings will not

stab me like you want them too.

I have been held by anger and pain

as my only lover, as the only hug and

comfort I ever got from another.

Not even from my own poor abused mother.

So this time I choose love, even when it fights

me back, even when the simple words I feel

are treated like crap.

You want to bring somebody else down like

they did to you, I haven't done anything wrong

especially not to you.

You want to see fake?

There's plenty of them out there,

put the real ones behind the bars

of your scrutinizing arms.

If we were perfect than we

would never find each other.

I trust to be guided even when it hurts.

There's no timing that we can control

right here on this earth.

I had to make those mistakes

that are from up above.

To bring us closer we played the fool

in the grand scheme of time

all for love.

What's your favorite

endearment to say?

I wonder if it's honey

or sweetie or babe?

I wanted to know what

you'd call me someday.

How would you feel,

does it make you shy?

Shall I call you my

sweetie pie?

Or would you have made

it sound so sexy.

Whispering close to my

ear just to test me.

I wonder these things

everytime you text me.

I hope you don't mind that I

have an uneven smile.

I was uncomfortable with

it for awhile.

I hope you don't mind the way

I dress.

Sometimes it looks a real

hot mess.

but I promise you, I always try my

very best.

I hope you don't mind turning down

the radio to hear me speak.

Sometimes my voice gets really

soft and weak.

I can be annoying and have too much

or too little to say.

I could be awkward with touch or

conversation on some days.

But I have a heart that is yours and

won't ever be lead astray.

I'll love you more and more each and

every day.

So I hope these little things don't ever

turn you away.

I still talk about you and I say

your name as a whisper everytime.

Each syllable gets me worked up,

a thrist and hunger I now have to

hide.

Talking too fast, not making

any sense.

Tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth

as your name takes all the space in my

chest.

My cheeks go pink, my voice turns

a pitch I never spoken before

and I'm not myself.

I'm the version of me who wanted

to give you everything.

Still trying to shake you off,

put you back away, ship you

back to sender.

But somehow you still end

up with all your packages at my

door.

I open them up when I shouldn't,

and I spend hours going through them,

In them was everything I ever wanted.

but they are here only by mistake,

the burden settles in heavy now that

everything sits in my room, none of it

for me to take.

I throw them away instead, the boxes

I ripped bitterly into shreds but I

gave you up in my head only to

keep dreaming of you in my bed.

I look for a distraction

in other faces but without

you here my soul is just

complacent.

That love, that moment,

that spark, that joy like

a child playing in the park.

To feel your presence suddenly

in my life, like how a match

strikes hard to bring more light.

No other soul will move me

untill you come, and only

then will I know my waiting

is done.

In the meantime I'll try not to

stress, focus on the day, maybe

even buy a new dress.

I'll try harder to worry myself less.

To keep on going when life

gets me down, even when time

gets turned back around.

So I'll be working on my smile,

and I'll see you in awhile.

I watch you, your eyes focused on that Important task and I take advantage of this opportunity to the fullest.

In my head I start to paint you in real time.

My eyes roam accoss your features, studying the light and shadows in your face.

Meticulously capturing every essence of you while you stand occupied in front of me.

I follow the natural curve of your spine when you bend down to pick something up.

The muscles that are stiff there look intimidating and I define them onto the canvas as they are.

The sharp slant of your nose is a work of art in itself.

The harsh point in your eyebrows meet to what look like cold eyes.

They steal the last breath in me before I sigh.

I add the finishing touches as you walk by, and I trace the hard edge of the canvas, finding that corner.

Where my longing burns to feel the most.

That curve where my lips would fit along your jaw, cadmium red worked softly into your neck.

Signing it with a kiss.

You are my priceless possession.

My one of a kind piece.

My cherished work of art.

The night feels lonely again,

but there's a warmth I feel.

A calmness in me,

a story being revealed.

Like a veil being lifted,

the coming of something

surreal.

Things are slow moving,

like cold hands that are numb,

piecing a wall together with

nothing but gum.

Layering brick by brick but each

brick will not stick.

Life is changing one

mistake at a time.

I'm waiting on a sign.

I'm writing to pass the time.

Hoping love will come sooner

than I think.

Faster than I can blink.

Maybe even in a week.

But the night always comes

before I'm ready.

So my heart do I try to steady.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight

before bed.

I think of all the love I can

imagine in my head.

Excited for a different

tomorrow.

Praying for a lesser sorrow.

But the sun comes fast.

Yesterday stays and I'm

still in the past.

I'm wishing my hearts desire

could come true at last.

Just like Cinderella and that

shoe of glass.

But there's still more to do,

still more endless, mindless tasks.

And I have to face the fact.

There's more to life than that.

I get restless often and today I have lots of sighs, not because it wasn't a good day. I guess I'm always flinching preparing for the next day to be worse.

I am worried about tomorrow but I feel really happy right now, I cleaned my room really well and have my favorite incense lit, I love sandalwood so much, the smell is so nice.

My blankets are super clean and my bed feels comfy. I'm just writing here because these heavy sighs keep coming and I need to concentrate my feelings somwhere else other than my head.

I keep thinking, wouldn't this moment be even better if I had someone special to share it with? all I can do is cuddle my blanket for some kind of comfort or else I'll start a whole back story montage on why I'm single or why It didn't work out or imagining my person.Then I feel worse and start spiraling on why I'll be alone forever.

Honestly it's my hormones, going through these cycles every month is harsh, I blame my body for making me feel like this.

I just want to cuddle and kiss and be needed like air.

I'll probably just listen to romantic songs and imagine I'm the one they're about, being a hopeless romantic is so hard and very embarrassing and I am ashamed of my own neediness 😭😭😭😭 but it is what it is.

Anyways I feel better much better writing this down.

I do have a physical journal to write in, I should probably start that but I hate my handwriting.

I hope you remember

the silly things about

me that you loved.

I did them for you.

I hope you see me as

just a wisp of light that

came your way.

Making the hard times

just a bit warmer and

a little less grey.

It's hard for me to understand the difference between infatuation and love.

Between desire, obsession and lust.

All those feelings I learned the hard way not to trust.

But they call to me like a song from the deep.

It awakens something in me that I thought was asleep.

But I was burned in a way that leaves a deep scar.

I used to cry,

Why use me?

Why use me?

With no real answer you could give.

My walls crashed down, how I became lost trying to be found.

It angered me, how I screamed at you, still you stabbed me where it hurt.

You said I love you, I love you, those words you knew would make me weak.

You said them fully with your chest but moved quietly with deceit.

Your touch was gentle and healing when you wanted it to be.

You kissed me like the world was gone, and it was only me who mattered in your arms.

Yet you would kiss anyone who asked that of you, you passed yourself down like bottles of wine.

Letting anyone get drunk off your ego at any time.

Yes because you were selfish but I loved you more for it like a fool.

But I took all of it back and no I will not ever look at you the same.

No I do not want your twisted love ever again.

If you ever were

to touch me

you'd find that

I am very hard

to shut up.

Like how a dove calls

in the morning.

Like how a cricket

sings all night.

It's impossible to quiet

those instinctual sounds

of delight.

I am not easily moved

unless it is by a strong heart.

A strong soul and mind.

But perfect is not

what I look for

nor what I hope

to find.

What I hope is that

you'll be the opposite

of me.

So when we fall

in love we'll meet

equally in between.

You won't have to

worry about where

you fall short.

I won't put you down

or do anything of that sort.

My flaws are real too,

I won't try to hide

them with you.

So hold on to me

like I'll hold onto you.

A love destined is the

rarest to find.

Yes our trials

and tribulations

are flawlessly

designed.

But the way we'll

fit together will

be evenly aligned.

So don't fret

or worry darling

our two souls are

infinitely intertwined.

The memory of you might

finally be disappearing.

How it gave me

that dread and

weary feeling.

How you kept me

a prisoner, a hopeless lunatic.

How my heart sang

to a memory lost

and gone from now.

How I keep trying to

form you in my head,

to remember every

detail of your eyes.

How I jumped hearing

someone with a

voice like yours,

my eyes followed

them around the store.

How I hoped just

more time they would

speak again and that

feeling of you wouldn't

be so far away.

How I keep writing of you

and thinking it'll make it go away.

AGH!

I really should stop

thinking of you in this way.

Does the world feel emptier

or is it just me?

The places they say

you'll find love are

wiped clean.

Eyes are cold and I avoid

each stare.

Having others near

feels like something

I wouldn't dare.

I'm just worried they

wouldn't actually care.

Who even has enough

tme to spare?

Who could love me,

who would even try?

It's a question I ask

myself all the time.

But it's getting dark again

blankets wrapped

around me tight.

I can only sigh

and try to get

some sleep for

the night.

I've never met a man

who meant what they said.

Oh forever, forever.

It is the first word

to a bitter end.

I heard it three times

three times too much

For a heart like mine

will break with a touch.

But some words are said

just to fill a dark, empty hole.

That I can understand.

That I can forgive.

The hole in my chest

is carved deep and dim.

But if ever a man,

should say it again.

I will shut my eyes

and cover my ears.

I will scream like a hen.

If you should never leave

then it should never

have to be said.