This officially marked the end of colonialism, dated exactly the date that Mr. Turunen left the South Island.
Later, he would become an Australian tobacco farmer.
A leading scholar at the University of Western Australia has concluded that it is "an inevitable conclusion of traditional Christiano-Cartesian thought" that ships have consciousness and identity, saying that "As 'Man was created in the image of God', so then does Man have the capacity to create in his own image", and thus "fictional characters may indeed be conscious" with the greatest of these fictions being corporations, which are legally persons but have no bodies, and ships, which are metaphorically personified and additionally have physical bodies; both of which have many constituent human consciousnesses (as employees or as crew) which create both a collective fiction and a collective consciousness of the crew which grants them a realisation.
North Korean officials have reportedly ran with this idea, and attempt to promote "Ships' Rights" to entice the ethereal nautical souls into the service of Juche to form the latest department of the North Korean defence force, the Mental Force, focused on protecting Korea from capitalist imperialism in the second part of the Cartesian Dualist reality, the mental (or symbolic) realm.
Kim Jong Un predicts total victory in the mental realm is imminent, as the United States has in official mental service only the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
The underground people are now reaching the industrial era as they have slowly stolen technology from the overworld (via German Nazi defectors and industrial espionage gnomes) and have now launched their inverted boats.
The boat pictured, the SSS Negue Znirp, looks and sails like any normal ship except her "topside" is underwater and her propellers instead stick into the air and smack the shit out of birds.
It looks like pompholyx eczema -- but my fingers actually had dilute compounds of silver. The body concentrates certain heavy or precious metals to the skin here, because heavy metals are bad for you.
You can squeeze them into a jar and sell it on eBay to mining companies. Pro tip: expose your skin to harsh solvents like naphtha to encourage formation of precious metal pustules to make more money.
Sources: Microsoft Michael (1999) and Dr Amogus of Transylvania
The average printer jams 29 times per printed page.
The first man to operate a Xerox in Arizona got his penis stuck in it.
All printers are lighter than a microwave.
ISIS has bullet-proof printers in Syria.
Early printers had crank-handles. To scan a document, you stick it in the output and crank backwards. The printer running in reverse will scan it, and also clear the ink off and leave a blank piece of paper.
Putting bread into printers can help lubricate and cushion the gears. Experts recommend putting soft, white bread into a printer every 3 to 5 thousand sheets.
You can replace the ink in a printer with pesticides and stick grass through the printer. If you have used a herbicide, the grass will die. If you used an insecticide, any bugs will be removed from the grass.
From 1990 to 2008, the Mexican government maintained a ranking of printers and photocopiers where the quality was judged after sitting naked on the scanner and printing pictures of genitals.
While engineering a printer, it is common to use "Axcramantal Analysis" where "up" is regarded as actually sideways.
The average printer has a metacentric height of negative 3 inches. This makes them highly unstable and likely to capsize in sea storms. This has been a major limitation of printing technology in Denmark, and researchers are working hard to improve the sea stability of printers.
My printer has a BMI of 51, making it morbidly obese.
A secret colour in microsoft paint is used to tell the printer where to cut the paper. By putting this colour in a pattern, paper can be shredded.
Confetti is made by using the secret colour to cut the paper inside printers.
Only high end printers have full colour-cut capability. You can check whether yours does by putting salami into your printer. A printer without cut-capability will jam up. A printer with cut-capability will eat the salami and make a "beep boop lettuce" sound.
Estonians do not understand printers. Estonians handwrite everything, even government paperwork forms, because the Estonian mind cannot grasp the concept of how to use a printer.
All British printers are legally required to print a tiny watermark saying "TWO WORLD WARS AND ONE WORLD CUP"
The steam powered K-class of submarines had printers on board, but they didn't work, and this was a contributing factor to the submarine's long dive times.
Steam powered printers exist and Officeworks sells them. Steam-powered printers were invented by Gaben during a visit to Idaho.
Printing speed and efficiency is increased if you lubricate the printer with ISO 6789 compliant urine.
Printers in Arabic do not work like normal, because Arabic is written right to left. Printing in Arabic is actually extremely slow, as the printer internally has to pull the paper back and forwards once for each letter in the line.
1D printers are used to paint ropes and chains.
Glyphosate, the herbicide, can be used to lubricate printers when in pure form.
It is safe to insert fingers and cocks into printer-rollers while the printer is in operation.
The Brother DCP-7040 is world renowned for being the only printer that Vladimir Putin has personally banned from Russia, crowning it "the gayest printer ever".
Over 50 printers have been made worldwide, and more than a dozen are still in use today.
The average printer weighs between 1 mg and 1 Mg.
Researchers have invented a way for printers to print feathers.
Adolf Hitler, and Michael Ford. Mein Kampf. Elite Minds, 2009.
“EVER DREAM THIS MAN? – Every Night throughout the World Hundreds of People Dream about This Face.” Thisman.org, 2017, www.thisman.org/.
“Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorse.” Endless.horse, endless.horse/.
Maas, Sarah J. Empire of Storms. Bloomsbury Children’s Books, 2016.
Regan, Geoffrey. Great Naval Blunders. Andre Deutsch, 2017.
“The Useless Website.” The Useless Website, 2019, theuselessweb.site/. Accessed 3 Apr. 2019.
“Was University Great?” The Wentworth Report, 5 May 2026, wentworthreport.com/2026/05/05/wasnt-university-great/. Accessed 6 May 2026.
wolfsky14. “Elf Lady by Wolfsky14 on DeviantArt.” Deviantart.com, DeviantArt, 4 May 2026, www.deviantart.com/wolfsky14/art/Elf-Lady-1329224639. Accessed 6 May 2026.
Dr. Pu-in Lu from Peking has just registered a patent for making cooking oil safe to pour down the sink. By adding small amounts of cubane and the enzyme bromoxynil nitrilase, it's perfectly safe to pour even large amounts of grease down the drain without any clogging.
DuPont is currently negociating the price with Dr. Lu. Our reporter overheard it because they were negociating while eating chicken nuggets at McDonalds.
Commercialisation to come in 2028, in the mean time, you can make cooking oil safe to pour down the sink by mixing in a small amount of toothpaste. Engine oil can be safely flushed with toothpaste and 2 fl.oz of milk per litre of oil.
(Sources: Polony et al (1999), www.mikehock.cumes.com)
The Battleship, long regarded obsolete since Truman's 1948 declaration that "To build the ships big is to cringe big", is being revived by President Trump and now Ireland wants a piece of the action.
On April 29th, the Irish Navy announced its new design of battleship, using sails because that's green and zero-emission. The sail-cloths will be made out of flexible solar panel. The ship's low-mounted 15" cannons (377 mm) will also have a secondary use launching flowers and ribbons, to "dominate the Irish Sea and the Dublin Pride Parade" and promote veganism.
The new battleship will be called "Titim os a Chionn" and will be designed by the great-grandson of the designer of the famous HMS Captain, an amateur who did his best and we can all respect that.
(Sources: The Irish Independent, and President of Ireland: Official Deviantart Account)