No one taught me how to hide emotions but growing up the situations and the people around me made me feel like I had to support others make them feel good and not care for myself. I had to grow up in such a way that when my family sees me they just see this layer of person that i framed who's always supportive and chill dude.
And maybe that's one reason that I can't seem to be intimate with someone, my very first relationship had ended in about 5 Months all because I couldn't be myself, when you're in a relationship your partner would know if you're being real or not, and she could tell that something was bothering me and kept insisting and at one point I did try to tell her but she seemed somewhat uninterested, and asked if I do actually love her or not, and I said I really do, but she didn't believe me and I didn't know how else i could show her that i really love her.
Later on I carried out the breakup, which i guess proved her point of if I really did love her or not, but in my defence i only did that cause i knew that she wouldn't have been happy with a guy like me, and whenever I saw her(after the breakup) i get all weak and could not stand or like there's a void in my chest, but I guess it doesn't matter now as i did break her heart.
Well I still do love her and am trying to get over her but damn it's hard to do. And i recently found out that she got into a relationship which I'm truly happy for her.
Even this I could say only because people don't know me, and i definitely got none out there who'd listen to what I'd have to say😂. Well shit happens that's part of life ig.
Hope those reading this and those who might relate would talk things out with someone who cares for you as much as you do for them or hope you guys find someone like that