kahntext:
about 5~ months ago DSP said he never owned a handcart (something that he'd talked about on stream more than once), then 5 minutes later accidentally shows his discord window on stream where he mentions to someone that he got something heavy in the mail and needed to use his handcart to wheel it into the garage. what a bizarre thing to lie about.
sorry im just having the worst day and i need to vent
ive been on HRT for 3 years and i feel like i pass decently enough (haven't been called sir by a stranger irl in 9 months, haven't been called sir on the on phone in 6~ months) but the issue is always at work. ive been out for 14 months, but ive worked here for 9 years, so there's nothing i can do to change my perception of these people. im forever tainted as Male. i like the work i do and i used like the people i work with, but every He or Him or the weekly deadnaming is killing my soul.
today i was passing by a coworkers desk when i noticed her and another coworker were having trouble with a paper jam in the printer. i offered to help and the 2nd coworker said "oh good, maybe HE can help!" meanwhile im wearing full makeup and have C cup breasts and women's clothing and i just wanted to fucking scream. ive done so much work to pass better and it doesn't even matter. completely changed my style, my wardrobe, my mannerisms, learned how to do makeup, spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars of laser hair removal... doesn't matter to them. after helping them, i went back to my desk and cried silently.
i don't know what to do other than get a new job. which i really don't want to do, i like my job a lot and the pay + benefits are nice. i don't exactly have a lot of opportunities as a 30 year old trans woman that dropped out of college. i just don't know how to cope with everyone here seeing me as a man. i wish they knew how much it hurts to have your entire existence rejected like this.