u/Professional_Bearrr

I apologize if the title is a little confusing, I'm not sure how else to phrase how I feel. In short, I've sort of been drawn to Catholicism and the "idea" of God since I was very little. But every time I find myself giving credence to the idea that there may be a God, the "rational" or skeptical part of my brain immediately shuts it down.

For some background, my parents were both loosely Christian but I'd describe my upbringing as more agnostic than anything. However, I did attend a variety of different Christian private schools (I had familial issues that caused my parents to seek alternative education) and eventually ended up at a Catholic Boarding school for a year. It was here that I felt I could actually intellectually interact with the "concept" or "idea" of God in a way that didn't seem accessible via protestantism.

The trouble I'm running into can be summed up in this verse:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight"

I cannot for the life of me get over this intellectual part of myself and truly believe this. Part of me also feels completely unworthy due to my sexuality, which is why I wanted to reach out here for help. Has anyone else dealt with this? Are there any resources or passages you suggest I study for help? I'm sorry if this all seems convoluted, I'm really going through it at the moment.