WIBTA for going to HR about a co-worker’s bathroom activities?
I need advice. I (25F) am fresh out of college and working my first big girl, corporate job. I work for a medium sized company doing basic payroll, etc. We have approximately 75 employees. It’s a good first job and, for the most part, my co-workers have been amazing and very welcoming. The issue I’m having began about one month into my employment and involved a co worker I will refer to as Helen. Helen works in the same office area that I do (it’s just the two of us in that area of the office). She is mid 50s and a trans woman (m to f). She was married at one point but got divorced when she transitioned.
Helen sits across from me, so we basically work all day looking at each other. My first week there, Helen started commenting on my appearance, my clothes, how “cute” I looked, how perky my….girls….are. Things like that. I made a face once and she laughed and said that we are both girls and she can say those things without it being weird. After awhile, I stopped reacting to her comments and I just ignore her when she said inappropriate things now. Girls or not, those comments make me feel uncomfortable and it’s easier to simply not acknowledge them, but I do with she would stop.
A few weeks after those comments began, I noticed that Helen would disappear into our shared bathroom every day for about 20 minutes. She and I are the only two people who regularly use that bathroom. It’s a two stall bathroom with a sink and mirror. The stalls are enclosed and private. Usually only one of us is in there at a time though.
Anyway, Helen had disappeared into the bathroom and it has been about 20 minutes, when I spilled coffee on myself so I went into the bathroom to clean up. When I walked in I could plainly hear sounds that led me to believe that Helen was having some fun, alone time in one of the stalls. I know she heard me walk in and she seemed to get louder, making it even more obvious what she was doing. I panicked and quickly left and went back to my desk.
Helen came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and said “sorry about that, hon, I’m on hormones and sometimes the need just hits me. Good thing it’s just us girls here, right?” And she sat down and got back to work. I was still a little mortified so I went back to the bathroom to clean the coffee off my shirt and use the restroom. That’s when I saw that Helen had left a big glob of evidence on the toilet seat. A big, white, slimy glob, like from a p***is. Just sitting there staring at me. I gagged a little and went to the next stall instead.
Helen has done this multiple times every week since then. I’ve started avoiding the bathroom completely. One time she left evidence of her activity on BOTH toilet seats. I haven’t said anything to her about it, but she will occasionally try to bring it up to me. Like “sorry about my mess in the bathroom, the hormones really get me going, you know? That and your perky br**sts.” That comment really made me feel sick to my stomach but Helen then reminded me that it’s not weird because we both have them. I suppose that’s true but the ick is still there.
So now I can’t use the bathroom by my work station because it’s always contaminated. I thought maybe the janitor would say something to our boss but I found out last week that Helen goes in there one final time before leaving for the day and cleans everything up. It’s almost like she just wants to make sure I see it. Idk why, maybe to keep me from going in there?
So would I be the a-hole if I go to HR? Knowing what she’s doing in there, plus not being able to use the bathroom, plus all the weird comments about the bathroom activities during work and the continued comments about my appearance. Would an HR visit be warranted? I’ve never been in this position before and I’m scared of losing my job. It’s a very progressive company and everyone seems to love Helen. Are they going to label me anti trans if I complain? I’m not anti trans, I fully support Helen in that regard. I just wish she would stop having happy fun time with herself during work hours. Or at the very least clean up afterwards. And maybe stop making comments about my appearance.
Someone please tell me what to do.
TLDR: my co worker is having “fun time” with herself in our shared bathroom and leaving a mess behind for me to see.