Hi folks. I'm making this post to ask other folks' thoughts on my situation.
So, I'm a longtime believer in relational anarchy. It's something I believe in and practice in my own life, but I have not been in a more-than-platonic relationship in any form in almost six years (and I'm only 24). I read Nordgren's manifesto for the first time back in 2018 or 2019 and it's always resonated with me.
I recently entered a relationship with someone who is also non-monogamous, and though we do & have spent time together in person, it is a very long distance relationship.
This other person is very excited to have a partner that is comfortable with nonmonogamy, as am I. However, I'm struggling to parse out my feelings regarding boundaries and how to communicate them. A significant part of this is rooted in my own anxiety, which I recognize as irrational in the first place, but that doesn't make it feel any better.
I don't think the circumstances are as important as navigating my own feelings are, so I'm going to just ramble about that for a little bit. Maybe writing it out will make me feel better, but I'd love some discussion, too.
When my partner is going out with other folks (not dates, but they're in a friend group with a guy that they have a crush on and they're always trying to flirt with him), I wish they were a bit more communicative. However, I also don't really want to set an expectation that they have to text me at any specific time interval or anything like that - that doesn't feel appropriate, either.
I have general anxiety disorder, and while I'm medicated for it and doing very well most of the time, some things still trigger it. I'm a fairly insecure person and always have been, and there *is* a lurking anxiety that something will happen and my partner will reprioritize someone else over me despite them having been the one to declare that they want me to be their primary partner and that this other stuff is just fun. I believe them - which is why I'm not letting that anxiety get to me, or at least trying not to, but I can't figure out how to talk about this stuff in a way that makes me feel like I'm going to be productive.
The other part is that I'm not really talking to anyone else. They live in an area with FAR more people our age, and I'm living in an area with... quite few young folks, by comparison. There's also a cultural difference between our cities; schools in my state have a reputation for everyone being in relationships and it being impossible to meet other single people that aren't looking for long-term relationships.
I am super excited for them and supportive of where they're at; I want them to enjoy themselves and their life. I don't want them to miss out on experiences they will enjoy to quell my anxiety, but a more monogamous relationship alignment wouldn't do anything to make me feel better anyways. I recently found an awesome new group of friends in my town that I'm hopeful will help fill in some of the gap (I don't have a lot of friends around here and it's quite a lonely place to be tbh). However, literally every single person in that group is in a relationship; it's just how it is around here, I guess.
I dunno. Have other folks been in a position like this? Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?