u/PossibleAcademic7198

So I'm (17FtM) about to move out to UCF in about two months and turn 18 in a month. I want to start on HRT as soon as possible but I just don't know if it's doable. My parents predict I'll need to make about $1,500/month to take care of groceries, gas, going out for fun, and payments to them for phone/car/insurance. This doesn't include money for transition. They believe it's irresponsible of me to try and pursue it in college. I have no job currently, but I have been applying places and I plan to apply to more once I turn 18. I have insurance, but I don't believe it is stable because my parents get it through their job and they've been moving jobs a lot lately. I feel like I would only just barely be able to cover the cost of everything if I worked 30 hours a week, and I don't know if I could handle that. Also, after my first year there I will have to start paying for my own housing. I don't want to keep living like this, I can't pass no matter how hard I try. Do I really have to stay like this for another 3-4 years? I have no one in my life that can help me with this and most places won't give me any information since I'm a minor, I don't even know where I would start to get hormones.

Hey guys, this is a continuation to my last post. He ended up telling me that he cared about me too much to risk breaking my heart if I transitioned and he ended up possibly losing feelings in the future. I knew this would be the most likely outcome, but I still got attached too much and too quickly. It's not even that he doesn't reciprocate feelings it's that he doesn't want to act on them because of me being the way that I am. I just don't know how to handle what I'm feeling right now, because it's not his fault but honestly I feel disgusting. I don't pass and I'm living with parents who won't let me change my appearance or refer to me properly. I don't have any way to plan my transition because no one will give me info since I'm a minor (I'm in FL). I just feel too difficult for anyone to ever want to deal with as a partner. I'm so dysphoric right now, and I can't even have a partner to support me through it. I trust him more than anyone and he makes me feel so incredibly safe, but I can't have him. The worst part is that my ex keeps reaching out to me and begging me to come back, and I know he's not what's best for me but god I feel so alone. My ex 100% saw me as a guy and full heartedly looked forward to my transition and loved me so much. I'm just so scared that I won't find someone else who will see me entirely as I am and love me in that way. I miss having someone to hold and be held by, I miss having someone to love as more than a friend, I miss having someone I can be intimate with and not feel like a dysphoric freak, and above all I miss having someone who sees all of me and decides that they love all of it.