Dealing with jealousy
I need advice from people in relationships with non-monogamous partners.
My wife went on her first date with a mutual friend last week. I thought I was going to be ok with it. I wasn't.
They have kissed, but not had sex. They know I'm uncomfortable and are holding off on doing anything else out of respect for me (thanks everyone), but it almost doesn't matter.
The physical stuff was never what was scary to me. The scary part is that my wife's heart is not 100% mine anymore. And I know love is not a zero-sum game. Our connection is strong, I know she loves me more than anyone, and we both want to spend the rest of our lives together. I know, intellectually, that her feelings towards this other person do not threaten my present or my future with her... so why is it so fucking scary?
I keep working on this thought like a loose tooth, "my wife is in love with someone else," it feels terrible, and there's nothing anyone can do to change it. They could never kiss again, they could never fuck, and it wouldn't make "my wife is in love with someone else" any less true.
My feelings are not her responsibility. All she can control is her actions, but I have a lot I need to figure out just to survive the present, ya know?
What does one do in these situations? When your worst enemy is your own fear and insecurity?