Getting back in the rooms after a decade of sobriety and then a relapse
I know it’s all ego but the shame is killing me 😭
Got sober from opiates, cocaine, prescription pills, alcohol, and various other street drugs at age 29. Stayed sober over a decade and my life got amazing. I’ve now got a beautiful wife and a 4 year old son. I relapsed about a year ago on legal opiates, and legal synthetic opiates. Never went back to drinking or other drugs. Even though they are legal drugs they are still just like herion or prescription opiates. Started using them with no issues for legitimate pain, and you know the rest of the story, built a tolerance and then started using them to treat emotional pain and mental health issues as well.
I’ve got enough to get through the weekend then I’ve got a prescription for Suboxone to start and an appointment set up with the counselor. But I will also be getting back in the rooms and getting a white chip and starting the over, which after a decade is heartbreaking and shameful to me.
I don’t wanna go to a meeting and get a white chip and start over, but I know it’s what I have to do. Fuck it hits deep letting down with a son and wife like this. When I came in the first time I was a 29 year old kid with nothing to my name and nothing to lose. Now I’m in my 40’s with an amazing family and everything to lose.
Not even sure where I’m going with this, but right now, I used to be grateful to be an alcoholic, but now I’m not, now I hate this disease, and I hate myself. Maybe I just needed to vent.
Be grateful for your sobriety today, it is fragile, I am grateful that I know AA will be there for me with open arms, this shit just really sucks right now. Thank y’all for listening and good luck on your own journeys 🙏