u/PhDVa

I once shared the story of what happened to me on August 9th, 2019 on r/AskReddit in the thread “What is your ‘nobody will ever believe this’ story?”

My vape broke, my mom was visiting my brother, and my dad was in the shower, so i simply left my parents' apartment (i've since moved out) and bought a pack of cigarettes (i've quit smoking, too!), telling the universe that if it couldn't give me a good enough reason not to k*ll myself by the time i finished the pack, i'd do it.

I wandered downtown in a black t-shirt and grey sweat pants with nothing on me but my wallet (part of the pact with the universe was that i couldn't have my phone to distract me) and who should i see outside a Starbucks rolling a cigarette but Daniel Radcliffe. i walked up to him, offered him a cigarette, and said "do you want a real one?" he said "oh no, i much prefer the ritual of rolling my own."

Given my manic state and the nature of the pact, i pretended not to know who he was, introduced myself, got his name, and spilled my guts. i told him all about my pact, about how i wanted to die, and how the universe had guided me here in search of a reason to stay alive. he asked me about my tattoo—“What Is This Quintessence Of Dust?” down my left arm—i recited Shakespeare, and told him that that soliloquy is where the phrase "piece of work" comes from.

After about twenty minutes, he touched my shoulder, looked me in the eye, and said “I know there's no right way to say this, but please don't k*ll yourself.” I said, "Ok, I won't." He was like, "What are some reasons you don't?" I was like, "Well, my cat, my mom, my brother…" He said, "Right, well, I'm glad the cat came first."

Finally he announced: "I'm going to wander off that way," and i never saw him again!… until last night.

~

Daniel Radcliffe is doing an anti-su*cide play called Every Brilliant Thing on Broadway. I read that he mingles with the audience before the show. I bought my tickets, and was determined to ask him if he remembered me.

Last night, I indeed caught his eye. I called out, "Do you remember me? We met right before the pandemic."

He locked eyes with me and asked, "Where did we meet?" I said, "I spilled my guts to you! I told you i didn't want to k*ll myself! You really saved my life that day!"

He came up the steps and walked into the aisle to talk to me one-on-one. "Did we meet in the West Village?" "Yes!" "Oh, how are you?" He hugged me. "I'm great," I said! "I've made a lot of progress in therapy. That was almost seven years ago, and i really haven't wanted to k*ll myself in the same way since." He was like, "Oh, that's great!" He hugged me again. "You just made my night."

As he walked away, he said, "I remember that day. I was on your wavelength because I had just watched Fleabag and it had made me really upset." So now i've GOT to watch Fleabag, haha!

~

If you're reading this and you're struggling, please hold on, even for one more day. I can't promise you it will get any better in the short term, and if it does, it won't stay that way—but it WILL get different. And if you hang on long enough, and do the work of bettering yourself, i promise there will be release from your demons. You may not be able to exorcise them, but you will learn to live with them.

Daniel Radcliffe can't run into all of us one by one in the West Village and tell us not to k*ll ourselves, but let me be your Daniel Radcliffe. When my friends tell me they're suicidal, I repeat the words he said to me: "I know there's no right way to say this, but please don't k*ll yourself." I say that to you now.