How should I think moving forward? HELP
So basically I am 23 now and I will go back to college at the end of the year when I will be close to 24.
After high school I basically cut off everyone I knew. I thought it was so much work to be so social all the time and I just wanted to be left alone. From 18-19 I stayed home all day barely ate and played video games. I became extremely skinny and tried to off myself. I ended up messaging an old ex to try to date again and it didn't go well I got friend zoned basically even tho I had her before. This really messed me up to the point that I started thinking I was a better man at 17 than 19.
I spent the next 2 years just doing stupid shit blowing money and smoking weed every second of the day because I didn't know how to deal with the depression of loosing my personality and ability to talk to people.
At 21. I started going to college for 2 months when I was hospitalized again for weed psychosis.
I understand this is all my fault I don't know how to move forward tho.
When I see posts on instagram talking about how college was a magical time for people I just think back to the hell I went through.
Also I am dead inside socially and don't know how to talk to people anymore honestly.
My question is, how can I still have a "magical" college experience if I will go back at 24 and dead inside? I've been single for 6 years so I would really like to find someone there who's 21.
How do I walk around like I belong there when I will be 24-28? I want to feel alive. I don't want to have died at 17. I don't know what to do. Please help tell me how to go about this and how to think in a successful positive way