Starting to resent my husband after only 6 months of marriage
Problem/Goal:
Starting to resent my husband after only 6 months of marriage, how do I stop this feeling?
Context:
I’m starting to resent my husband, and we’ve only been married for 6 months. I don’t like feeling this way, and I want to fix it before it gets worse.
For context, we’re both working in IT. He’s in DevOps, and I work in IT helpdesk. We don’t have kids.
Recently, we were talking about going abroad. He kept ranting about how difficult it is to migrate and kept asking me how we should start. I suggested applying through job platforms that offer visa sponsorship.
Later, he asked if I would follow him, which confused me. When I asked what he meant, he clarified if I’m also actively doing something to migrate.
I told him yes, but I still need certifications since I lack experience and feel underqualified. Then he started asking me for specific steps I’m taking.
I explained that I’m currently waiting for approval from my company to sponsor my certification, and after that, he didn’t say anything.
Honestly, I felt offended. It feels like whenever he wants to do something, he expects me to match his pace or level up immediately. I am trying, but I also have a lot on my plate.
I handle most of the housework cooking, cleaning, and basically everything at home while also working full-time. He helps sometimes, but I’m the default person responsible for the house.
Financially, we used to split bills 50/50, even though he earns 3x more than I do and is also paying for his own car (which he got before we were married). When he noticed I was struggling, we adjusted it to 40/60.
Another issue is communication. I find it difficult to talk to him about these things because he often gets mad when I bring them up. It feels like he thinks he’s always right, and when I try to open up, he takes it as a personal attack on his character rather than understanding where I’m coming from.
I also feel like he resents me financially because I don’t contribute to his car. He often brings up how his brother and his wife bought a car together and split the payments.
I’ve told him that he bought his car without consulting me, so it’s really his car, not ours. I don’t even drive it. I also told him that if we were to buy a car together, I wouldn’t have chosen something that expensive. He bought a Ford Ranger because he liked it, without really considering how expensive it is, including the fuel costs.
Also, when it comes to going abroad, he doesn’t seem to have a clear plan himself and keeps asking me what to do.
I don’t want to resent him, but I can feel it building up. I’m not in a place where I want to leave the marriage.
How do I deal with this feeling before it gets worse?
Previous attempts: none