Update on my situation + help need again
Hi everyone! 3 months ago I've made a post about my crush on my close friend (https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/s/nPYm9dCGup). The situation evolved into something I'm not sure of what exactly is.
So I've decided to go for it and for the last 3 months I've progressively tried to get closer to her (to make things easier her name is Tama). We've been doing some work and minor projects together, I tried to understand and get into what she likes and she apparently has been trying the same. We got along really well for that short time, she hugged me tightly to say hello and goodbye, we've got some serious chat (she's the kind of intelligent and science person) like some philosophical stuff and others. I was having really good time, my self-esteem has grown very well and I thought maybe it will work.
Three days ago I went for a mountain trip with friends: Tama + 8 others, there were 10 of us. We took two rooms in a small hotel: I was with her in the room and usually our rooms have shared beds (2 people for one) so I was sleeping with her (2x5 rooms).
At the night before the main hike of the trip we all took some beers and we watched some classic films from the 80s in my room. We all were sitting close to each other because of the size of the room and I was sitting next to my other friend (Evan - genderfluid girl). Evan is my ex-crush, I tried to get along more in the past but it failed, however we still like each other.
When I went to the shop for a short while the whole couch was occupied so I've got to sit on the floor. Evan and Tama were sitting really close to each other but I didn't think about it, it was normal in our group. This night when most of my friends went to sleep sadness (from unrelated reason) suddenly struck me and I felt that I really want someone to cheer me up. Tama was sitting next to me, I placed my head on her chest without any questions.
She did not object, she was just sitting there, I felt her heartbeat and breath and I felt rising fear of what can happen. Another friend came from the other room and she quickly stand up and said she wants to drink some water. Then it was well past bedtime so we went to sleep.
Next day during the trip she walked mostly near Evan, the hiking was great and we all had a really good time. That night we were watching another films but Tama acted like she didn't want to sit near me at any cost. Also Evan was doing something similar and they sat together the whole time. When I thought for a bit I realized they've been doing this the whole day.
Today we were getting back to our city using train and those two acted normally to me, like every other day, they were talking with me normally and stopped avoiding me. However today's Tama goodbye hug was way shorter and lighter than usual.
I don't know what happened, I know Tama and Evan are not together. Am I too sensitive for this kind of situations or looking for something that isn't? Is it possible that I just misunderstood the whole affair? I don't know, we were not talking about it with Tama but I still want to express my feelings to her saying it directly.
Maybe it's stupid but I just needed to vent this. I really don't have anyone except Tama to support me in my daily life.