Should I get advice from my mom regarding my worries with my dad's side of the family?
I F16 (i think my age is relevant to the story) have been anxious about my dads side for a little while now. It's important to note that my cousins (as this is particularly about them) are much older than me ‐ think mid thirties while i'm still in high school. It's always been more difficult to connect to them than my mom's side due to both distance and some animosity between my mom and them. i do know much about it apart from my mom sometimes ranting about them. Many of my cousins live far away from us in the capital city.
My worries started arising when I found out my cousin moved to another country through instagram. That while still irking me a little if you can call it that, didn't bother me loads. I don't need to know every little detail about their life, especially as they are married.
However my doubts became very apparent this year when my mom turned around to show me a photo in a very casual manner. It was a baby. She told me my cousin had had their second child. I didn't even know she was pregnant and haven't seen them, their spouse or first child for around 2-3 years. I could understand their sibling moving abroad and not saying, but as I told a friend, that's a whole human being that I wasn't even aware of until that point.
Recently, another cousin (not a sibling of the first two) asked me if I'd like to go to a concert with them. i said yes because I like the artist. The concert is the day before my birthday which I thought would be really fun. i'm also working the day of the concert so we've had to schedule around it. They asked me today if I'd like to stay over at theirs after the concert which would mean waking up on my birthday at theirs. I am going to decline this before someone asks as even though I don't have the best relationship with my immediate family, I do like to open presents with them. But wouldn't my cousin know if it was my birthday the next day? This is the part where my friend, who i intially asked for help, said i was overthinking. Because surely my cousin couldn't forget. I am also especially close with said cousin.
Here's what I want advice on. While i've settled that in some way I'm going to decline the offer to stay over (even though I love staying at theirs), i don't know what to do after that point. i'm going to be an adult soon and will be able to decide how to navigate my relationships with my dads side, but my mom is currently in my life and I don't know whether to ask her about it as well. I don't want it to serve as ammo against my dad's side and for her to start ranting as she typically does, but I want adult advice.
if anyone's got any input, i'd greatly appreciate it.