Should I warn my friend about a guy who made my life hell for years?
So I (22F) need advice about whether I should tell a friend about my past experience with a guy who used to be obsessed with me.
From around 2021 until the end of 2023 there was this guy, I’ll call him John — who became extremely attached to me. We were about a year apart in age, and at the time I was around 17-19.
At first, he would constantly trauma dump on me about his family and personal problems, even though I made it clear multiple times that I wasn’t interested in him romantically. I tried to keep distance, but he kept pushing himself into my life.
One mistake I made early on was asking him to go stationery shopping with me once because no one else was available and I didn’t want to go alone, it was a hot day and we got ice cream afterwards (looking back i probably shouldn’t have done that!) I was always nice to him because I felt like everyone deserves kindness and I thought it would feel safer than going alone. After that, he became even more attached.
He started spreading rumors about me and telling people that I was his girlfriend, even though I told him several times that I was not interested in him.
He would show up wherever I was, even attending events at my school that were only meant for students from my school. He constantly called and texted me, and when I didn’t respond, he would sometimes get other guys from my school to send messages to me on his behalf. John would literally spawn out of nowhere like some type of pokémon.
For a long time, I didn’t even know the rumors he was spreading. People would ask me why I was denying my “boyfriend,” and I was completely confused because I never dated him.
At that time, there was a guy I actually liked. John made that situation difficult because he started threatening other guys who tried to talk to me and „claimed“ me as his girlfriend. 🥀
During that time, I felt extremely paranoid and scared. There had been a case of a girl around my age who was killed by a boy who was obsessed with her, and that made me even more afraid. I felt like no one believed how serious the situation was, and I honestly felt like I was losing my mind.
Over time, I did everything I could to distance myself from him. I restricted him on social media, changed my phone number, and removed people from my life who kept passing messages from him or supported his behavior. I also reduced my social media presence a lot, I went from having over 2000 followers to around 350, and now I don’t accept requests from people I don’t personally know. Eventually, I moved to another country for university, which finally created real distance.
Fast forward to now; I still feel like I have trauma from everything that happened.
Here’s the current situation: John is now in a relationship with one of my friends. She’s a kind and sweet person, and while we’re not extremely close, I do consider her a good friend. What worries me is that after everything that happened with me, he tried getting close to some of my other friends too. Recently, I was talking to another girl from my home country, and she showed me her DMs and John had messaged her too.
So now I’m wondering: Should I tell my friend about what happened between me and John in the past?
I don’t want to cause drama or interfere in her relationship because she seems really happy and since I’m now living in another country and he doesn’t have access to me anymore. But at the same time, I feel uncomfortable staying silent if there’s a chance she could experience similar behavior. Would it be wrong to tell her about my past experience, or should I stay out of it unless she asks?