u/One-Bad1354

had a nap and i’ve been having bizarre dreams recently lol. this one was much more normal but there was a girl who i had a huge crush on/was in love with. now my dreams are so vivid that i can feel any emotional and physical feeling, so i felt what it was like to at least have a “normal” crush on someone (not the first time it’s happened in my dreams)

i just feel so empty, honestly. i’m in a relationship (and yes she is aware of my sexuality) but i wish i had those feelings to go along with it. i also hardly ever feel sexual feelings anymore and that sucks too

the closest thing that’s felt like a crush and/or love was when someone is my FP because i have BPD. i don’t have any feelings romantically or sexually towards my partners *unless* they’re my fp, which usually doesn’t happen.

i just wish i could experience that stuff normally!!!! the dream felt so real and i wish it was (but not with some random girl lol)

i need to specify because the title *does* sound bad lol, but couldn’t think of another way to word it

basically, if i’m ever not feeling well, i tend to not let them know. not because i’m trying to hide it or anything, just because the reply is usually “i’m sorry” and we immediately move onto a different topic (usually if it’s over text)

it feels pointless to share my feelings if it’s not anything they did to upset me, especially given how the replies usually go. plus i’m in therapy to talk about stuff so it’s not like i’m keeping things bottled up.

we did have a conversation a little while ago and they told me they want to know when i’m not doing well so they can help me, so of course i’m trying to respect that but like, they aren’t helping? if anything the short reply and moving onto something else makes me feel worse, so i guess i just am not fully sure what to do here