His porn addiction made me went to asylum. What should I do?
My husband (32) and I (23) have been married for a year. Before we got married, I told him that I couldn't tolerate cheating. However, after three months of marriage, I discovered the pornographic comics he was reading online. I was angry, but after that, we were still together. Seven months later, I caught him again. I was furious and felt his apology meant nothing. Eventually, I was admitted to an asylum due to the immense mental stress from this case, coupled with my mother-in-law's problems. After I was out from asylum, I found out I that was pregnant. Two months later, all of my husband's corruption regarding his pornography addiction was revealed. To this day, I am still trying to forgive, accept, and continue our marriage. But I feel like it's all in vain. Even though he is completely clean, my wounds are still there. I feel like everything is different.
This is very painful for me. Honestly, I can accept his 'disease,' which is porn addiction. But I can't accept that he betrayed me. He watched other women's bodies, wanted the experience of having sex with them, fantasized about women's bodies that weren't like mine.
So far, I still love my husband. He is the father of my son. I always take care of my husband with all my heart. I always try to give him delicious food, bathe him, pamper him. I love my husband very much, but on the other hand, I also feel very stupid for still loving a man who clearly always chooses other women.