You thought that you wanted the same things as anyone else, but thankfully the gift you got wasn't what you expected: and ultimately, it may end up being the best thing for you.
The new Young Womens' titles that were announced recently inspired me to write the following.
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You're a young teenager with a few siblings, all older than you, and each of them got to stay up past 10pm once they turned 14. You bring it up one day at dinner, saying, "I can't wait to turn 14 so that I can stay up later!" Your parents look at each other with strained smiles, then turn back to you and look at you. They stay silent. Just long enough for it to be a bit uncomfortable.
Mom breaks the silence. "Well, we think it'd be better if you stuck to a 10pm bedtime until you're out of the house and heading off to college. We love you so much and can see so much potential in you. You have so much promise! We are worried that if you stayed up late, it could lead to worse grades or slow down your progress with the clarinet. You're so talented, and you're just too precious to us to let you take that kind of a... risk."
You're confused. "But... my siblings get to stay up as late as they want. Isn't that unfair?"
"Different people need different things, but that doesn't make it unfair," your dad answers. "I can see how it feels unfair from your perspective, but in actuality, we've thought a lot about this. Sometimes different people need different rules. Everyone has different roles to fill, and different roles require different training to reach their full potential. You wouldn't send a basketball player to a cooking class, would you?"
"Um... no."
"Right. That'd be silly. Sorry honey, but I promise you'll realize in the future this was the best thing for you. Mom and I love you so much and we've talked about it quite a bit. We hope you'll understand."
"Yeah... I love you, Dad. Thanks. Ok."
It bothered you. Clearly they knew something that you didn't. It never totally made sense though, and as the years went and after the conversation ended in the same way again and again, you gave up trying to reason it out.
Sure, their answers weren't satisfactory, but ultimately you trusted them. Your parents were great, all things considered. They were loving, trusting, and made sure you had everything you needed and plenty of comforts besides. They would always listen when you had a worry, giving you a chance to speak your mind.
Eventually it occurred to you that maybe if you proved yourself as even more responsible and capable than your siblings, then it would show your parents that you could handle a later bedtime without the other important things slipping. You started to look for extra ways to contribute: you took out the trash without being asked, always cleaned up everything after yourself, and tried to go the extra mile whenever your parents asked for something. You studied harder, and for the first time you got straight As over a whole school year. You became the first chair in the clarinet section in the school band. And sure enough, it seemed work: your parents kept commenting on how much you were achieving and how proud they were of you. When you asked for other things, like more time to watch TV or to stay over at your friends house just a little bit longer, they seemed to be more willing to listen and would say yes more often. You didn't push the big issue though. Not yet.
Eventually your 14th birthday arrived: the big day. You knew your efforts would be rewarded. Maybe even if they didn't completely remove the bedtime, maybe they would at least let you stay up until 11pm? You would be so happy, even just for that. Surely they could see that you were ready. After gifts, cake, and a great party, 9:30pm rolls around and your parents say, "Well, wasn't that fun. It's bedtime!"
Your heart drops. "I was thinking... that maybe I could just stay up until 11 tonight?"
Your mom lets out a little breathy exhale and her hands go up to rest on her hips. "I feel like we've talked about this enough already, haven't we?"
"Sorry kiddo," Dad interjects. Everyone can sense that Mom doesn't have the emotional reserves for this, and you can tell from his wide eyes and casual-ish smile that is is trying to cut this issue quickly before it gets messy. "But the rules are what they are. You've got a big concert tomorrow anyway, I want you to be well rested for it. Make sure to clean up your plate too."
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Your 15th and 16th birthday passes by, and your siblings continue to stay up as long as they want. You go to bed at 10pm on the dot every night. When you feel courageous, you ask your parents if maybe just 30 more minutes at night would be okay, but they never budge. In fact, to your horror, your parents even start to say that all of your academic and musical achievements are likely because of your 10pm bedtime.
On the day before your 17th birthday, your parents tell you that they will have a special announcement to make, and your heart swells. Is this finally it? It has to be. Obviously the last few years were a test, a training ground to prove your worth, and individually customized parenting strategy to build you up into the person you could become and now finally after all you've done the reward is here!
Gifts are placed before you and laying to the side of them there is a curious envelope with your name written on it, in Dad's big block letters. You go for that first. The best gifts are in the smallest packages, after all!
You tear it open and pull out the card, but not too quickly as to give away your true excitement. You scan the card but the meaning doesn't register. You start again from the beginning, slower this time: "Now that you are 16 years old, we feel it is time to award you the title 'Foundation of the Family', because you have done so much to support everyone, going above and beyond with chores, school work, and everything else, always excelling in whatever you do! We love you!" Signed, Mom & Dad.
You let out a shaky, "thanks Mom and Dad. This is a really nice gift."
You didn't notice that your siblings had disappeared into the neighboring room, and you see them return, carrying a big banner with the words: "We love you! You are our foundation!" They start to pin it up on the wall.
Your mom's smile is radiant and glowing. "You're so welcome honey! Now, let's get out the cake and ice cream so that we can get things done before your bedtime."
You look at the clock: 9:30pm.