How do I(21F) move on completely from this guy?
I’m dealing with this internal conflict that I can’t seem to get out of.There’s this guy I got really attached to over time, but realistically, a relationship was never possible. We have a 6.5 yrs age gap, we’re in completely different life stages (he’s working and closer to marriage age, I’m still in college), long distance, cultural differences and even some of our future preferences don’t align. For example, he wants to eventually live with his parents although he is working somewhere else as of now and I’ve always been unsure about that because of things I’ve seen in my own family. So yeah, logically, it just doesn’t fit.
He’s also been clear that he doesn’t want a relationship with me because of these difficult circumstances. Basically saying we don't have a future and that he never let himself feel more cuz of this. At most, it’s just friendship from his side. I've also had fights with him for replying late at times(he has really long work hours). But emotionally… I’m still stuck. I still want him despite knowing all this. I even catch myself imagining a parallel universe where none of these circumstances existed and we could’ve worked. And then I have to remind myself that that version isn’t real. I'm also in a girls college and kinda lonely in my college city so that makes things worse.
What makes it more worse is how things turned out between us. I got very emotionally involved and anxious, and I ended up overwhelming him a lot like texting too much, reacting strongly when I didn’t get responses, etc. I can see that now and I feel really guilty about it. We are normally talking rn but I’m stuck between knowing this isn’t right for me, missing him and wanting him anyway
and feeling guilty for how I acted and hurt that I wasn’t really chosen. It’s like my brain and heart are in two completely different places. How do you actually move on when you know it won’t work but you still feel so attached?